26 July- 1 August 2022
Woke 04:26 – internet present but not available
Inex, military industrial complex and [redacted]
Pain in right ear and jaw (the grave temple) since saturday 25 July PM •
Dreamt a tropical place and a foreboding sense of impending doom, to be kidnapped or murdered.
16:19 “This is a psychedelic reality that you have complete control over”
~~~~~~~~
Pain, today
Suffering, today,
Actually left work at lunch
Right side of face
Head
Had woke at 01:57
Went piss,
Eventually;
The white light blur
Of my right eye field of vision
Woof
For the first day in many days
I fear for my physical vessel…
Blood clots?
Cerebral arteriosclerosis?
Infection?
Rejection?
Demonic possession?
Caught in sex magick,
Simple affection?
…protection, Algiz,
Worn on the Path, Left Hand,
Seems like 70% of the time
We actually understand
Seems like this all goes
According to plan
It was planned
From the Start
Cursed to bone
From the heart
Torn apart
By The Art
Relish the attacks
Psychic darts
(Fear is engagement, baby)
Ask if we know,
All we say is maybe
Sure, I’m a woman
(But don’t think I’m a lady)
This war is for men
Call me Hel
Call me Hades.
…empowered.
Fatal flower.
Returnus Saturnus
Heimdall
Final hour;
Fucking cowards,
All cowards
Feel the tower
Face the power,
Full stop.
Your nefarious shit
Dreamed it
Your reality
Seen it
Curses
On that demon shit.
Ask, my love,
You shall receive
Save horizon from the event
Recursion
Recursion
Recursive
Re:Current
Find out more
I must
Ash to ash
Dust to dust
Before reality
Goes to rust
The Iron Soul of Nothing
From Nowhere
No One at all.
~~~~~~~~
Dreamt of You, last night.
A message conveyed.
You know.
No longer fear what I love.
You’ve given me some of the most powerful lessons in navigating reality that I have been blessed to receive.
I trust in what I resonate with.
From my whole heart, gratitude.
Genuinely.
This is where words fail me-
How does one express beyond-human intricacies in some Thing so simple as human language?
L.R.V.
It is simply not within this One to find fascination within anything and yet, ere you are, again;
A prime ability of the human brains ability to ‘quantum boomerang’, as it were, back to an original state.
Perhaps I was born into this,
Perhaps not.
Reborn into?
Definitely.
The fucking email.
Partial Response Takes Another Form, yes?
The electrification of my mind.
April 2020.
Dreams, so frequent.
Terrifying, the hold over my mental sphere.
Capture and Release,
Only where was the release?
…bewildered and alone.
Uneasy about a presence but not aware that a lack of thus would increase that feeling of anxiety 1000x over.
Soul seeking for reasons beyond basic human explanation.
Frequencies.
Energy.
Once upon a time, a few years ago when I used to scry predictive text on such a consistent basis, ‘the Norse goddess will come to earth and become increasingly obsessed with him’.
2019, maybe.
Just to write this brings a sense of both foreboding and relief.
“I believe what is in front of my eyes”, a second affirmation that came with “I trust in what I resonate with”, a la the inex, of course.
Do you know what the third was?
“I am an extra-terrestrial.”
Hunting and Gathering.
Cydonia.
What was Sunn before Sunn was Sunn?
Who am I, Scorpio, the Ant-Ares;
Which is funny, in a way.
Allegedly, my biological father was named Mariusz, Mars.
One single example of many, in which I am each of the two, in its own way.
Each of the two, and also torture.
Katarzyna.
Kathryn. Most pure.
I prefer Katja. For its ambiguity.
The fucking email.
My true name.
The potential dangers of doing so.
Fear is engagement.
Conflict is inspiration.
Actions unfinished to create mental superposition.
Serving only Truth as Master,
I find you to be a facet of thus,
An Extension!
Of the most high.
You understand, or you do not.
No way in your debt, simultaneously owing you much.
4 May, 2018.
Cannot remember what I ate for lunch yesterday.
Remember some passing sentence I read one about coffee with soy milk and white beer.
I remember specific pieces of data information integral to one specific pattern.
Neural network.
Solving the mystery of consciousness.
Why is that bit of data relevant, if not for a larger reason?
When Belülrol Pusztít was the header on my bandcamp
Something did
Try to destroy me
From within
And my cat, too, actually,
There’s a multiple thousand dollar vet bill to prove that.
There are
Certain lyrics, titles,
Pieces of reality
That come together to form a coherent understanding of reality.
A reality, at least, for from what I have gathered, there is an umbrella-reality-nature that allows for vastly different realities to exist in a simultaneous nature.
Nature! That is it!
I am a gardener for a reason,
A cheap imitation of Samwise Gamgee at times, at least in my own opinion of myself.
Superego application of all data input along with the simultaneous complete dissolution of thus.
How does this work?
The fucking email.
Are you disturbed?
Are you familiar with a band called Death Grips?
A track called Gmail and the Restraining Orders?
The fucking email.
Impulsive entity I was.
Spur of the moment, knowing if I thought too hard I wouldn’t have the balls to do it
Unconditional love?
The fucking email.
Perceiving multiple possible realities, weeks after I sent it.
Some inex had said, “you know we couldn’t let you send that, right?” when I opened it back up some weeks later.
‘UAP’, ‘Odin’, ‘hitman’, so many keywords it contained.
After I sent this email… ‘Schramm’ popped up in my predictive text.
Gotta Google.
Schramms Model of Communication.
Communication incomplete.
(Save for the conceptual ‘Partial Response Takes Another Form)
Had you told me to fuck right off, I would have…
But you did not?
Which assisted in the creation of the human-brain-superposition state.
I am under the impression this was an end goal all along.
~~~~~~~~