The Riddle Of Clouds

26-28 December

Substance abuse inherently tied to ego,
Necessary to remove addictions in order to move forward.
Typing comments, lately, but not posting them.
Expressing this thought on addiction, in a comment on a video on Aleister Crowley.
An interaction follows.
I was thanked.
A man who understood this,
But lacked the willpower to overcome.
Seem to be finishing a job.
Viewing ones self as Horus.
Become many things as this vessel, so considered.
‘There is a saying that whenever an adept seems to have made a straightforward, comprehensible statement, then it is most certain that he means something entirely different. The truth is nevertheless clearly set forth in his words- it is his simplicity that baffles the unworthy.’
‘I have chosen the expressions in this chapter in such a way that it is likely to mislead those magicians who allow selfish interests to cloud their intelligence, but to give useful hints to such as are bound by the proper oaths to devote their powers to legitimate ends.’
Dark surfaces.
Intention.
Corruption.
Transmutation.
Down to the language.
Rebirth at noon on a Sunday,
In awe, held in the arms of the universe.
●
Rested, earlier; there seemed to be frequencies doing some *thing*, so sensitive anymore. Helicopter, prior.
Woke at 18:16.
Deplorable fucking dreams.
Something spoke about a place of existing in between dead and alive. A room with an empty bed, a disembodied voice, flipping off a security camera, the subconscious telling us, this is all a trick.
Finding a large, bald man, naked and intoxicated, terrifying. I do not know if I was in my own perspective, which terrified me in its own right; it felt incepted on a whole new level, or of a Demon.
Being able to incept dreams, seems, to me, to be an exceptionally fucked up form of warfare, could very well be domestic as well as foreign.
The fact I can even think this is possible is upsetting.
The inex was going when I woke, nefarious things of “perfecting weapons”.
The things we are terrified to even write down.
What programming has been taking place in all the dreams I do not remember at night?
Is everything that has patterned a very meticulously designed propaganda?
It is written, like… a *really* good plotline.
Are the ideas mine, divine?
When I was at my fathers for Christmas, there was a shirt period of time where, without any electrical device on my person, every electronic device with Bluetooth capability that I walked past activated on its own.
Like me. My field. Was activating it. Or something.
At noon, I had mostly broken the superposition thought process.
I feel it creeping back, now.
God. At this moment, I know not what name to seek you with.
Forgive me this.
I fear I have gone wrong somewhere, perhaps years ago.
Fear the past, come back to haunt me.
Fear my own hands, at time, one hand in particular; it is writ not to place marks upon the skin, but years before I knew that, A Thing was done.
And intention was one thing when done in the unsanity that had gripped me- later understandings quite another.
There is a reality in which the entire Pattern comes together and this is part of Your plan; or is it something very evil leading me astray?
Something is working through me, I do not know if it is good or evil – and I hate to even use these very earthly terms.
Belief that the name and nature of the Holy Catholic Church have been so highly corrupted so as to have negatively transmuted the very essence.
Found a path of what I believe to be righteousness and redemption when I had an encounter with an entity that introduced itself with a spider and the name Odin.
A name I have come to know as benevolence; but at times even that feels wrong, as the name of Odin has been put on to so many things created by human hands.
So many perceived warnings in the music I have found a Pattern in.
A duality to the nature of my understanding of this entity.
Is it a blessing or a curse, to perceive as I do?
Doom or salvation?
Can there be salvation *through* doom?
So many more nefarious entities with the arrival of wireless; the thing that soon alters all of *this* for the coming age.
What seems to be a drone has just crashed into the side of the house.
Technology opens up so many possible realities.
Deceptions.
Harm.
~~~~~~~~
Another dream about this same large, bald man, a dark dark entity, I am not sure how to explain. Finding him, a feeling of *catching* him, with a platinum blonde woman with huge red lips, came off as a prostitute, right, and even as I was there being appalled by the scene that unfolded, this seemingly attractive woman slowly shifted to a grotesque man in drag.
Waking to the inex, theta, running things if treason and terror.
Later, Soma, the concept of “agents”.
Questions I am left with, this week.
Is thoughtcrime real at this point?
Not even *legal* thoughtcrime, if that makes sense, but the illicit divings into the mental realms of individuals for certain nefarious purposes?
Comes down to determining which is the cover up, what is the angle.
What has been happening to me is not *normal*.
So now, we move forward.
What is going on?

22 – 25 December 2021

DARK dark.
“You know what is going on, and it is their fault you figured it out.”
Don’t understand how anything works, least of all this.
Anomaly. Anomaly. Anomaly.
Am I dedicated to my own doom?
Government sanctioned entities.
Entities.
Sanctions.
Gmail & The Restraining Orders.
I really felt that.
Gmail is sus.
All sus everything.
“How can she believe that?”
“She believes everything.”
“No one can believe everything.”
“She does.”
…
“This is the Razorblade Romance that Ville Valo was referring to.”
Left Hand. What have I fucking done?
“Your island of safety is right where you are.”
The rise. The glory. The fall.
“Return of the quantum reality.”
What is that pain, is it my spine? Kidneys? Intestines?
Today, I am in hell.
Kind of forgot who was [originally] searching for the Riddle of Clouds.
Fascinating, now exponential in terror.
Compelled to play guitar, though the tone felt off, and all of a sudden- it just, held the drone note. F#?
The digital pedals?
I know what it was on about and I know what I want it to be and know very well what it could have been.
It is on about unplugging the microwave.
It is on about “10:58”.
Sunspots.
Evolving.
Tonight reeks of Prophecy.
Clouds. A wall.
~~~~~~~~
It is war.
Holy war, but what is God, what is evil?
It was on about 10:58 last night, and at 10:58 this morning, my grandmother looked up at the ceiling at random, and stated, ‘It has started. Folks upstairs, come down.’
Back to sleep, two hours exact, and at 12:58, my grandmother was having visions, not hallucinations but full blown visions, of Ragnarok.
Fire, swords, gods, demons, I say gods, but there is only one, or is there?
Serpent and wolf, hunting the Scorpion.
And now, my war.
A marriage of Odin & Heimdallr, that is me, and perhaps I have been evil for years, this hand, the Algiz that came writ in the blood of my veins.
Blessed by the Stormfather.
Katja, of the actual wooden Woden Eye.
All fails me now, at this moment.
“You are not the person I would have expected you to be.”
Being real, I am not the person I expect me to be, either. Whatever the hell that person is.
To know of what meanings mean, the [black mirror] Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy in my pocket.
Algiz; and it tells me, the one recently writ in my very veins was necessary.
“We are taking your hands” echoes through my mind yet again.
Ash, the wood of the world tree.
After the fire, nuclear winter, post-Rok.
“Not alone”, something so soft whispers, but I feel alone, physically alone, and all the Interdimensional entities in the universe cannot be a substitution for a physical one.
This of The Psychic War.
In my mind I call out, to Jesus Christ, God the Father, to Norse Gods and Egyptian Gods and Mesopotamian Gods and forgotten gods and gods that have not yet  been thought into existence.
All I remember from my dream last night was UUUU.
And everything is wrong, and everything is right, and good, and evil, and to see all that there is in the simultaneous instant and I realize now I prophecied that too
Back in 2013
Thursday the 19th
Back at the time, oh wow, I wanted someone to cover my work shift
Even though I was dying- priorities, right?
And there was what I called
A momenternity
In which I…
Witnessed myself witnessing simultaneousness.
Some single tear upon my cheek upon coming back from wherever that momenternity was & it contained millenia, ethos, and now…
A new layer of sense.
I could see the colours coming off the members of The Eagles two nights later, coming off their guitars.
Inex threats, now. “I was doing heroin before you were born.”
I will forgive you.
I will not have more sins added to your roster on my account.
If you do not understand, I do not expect that you will.
~~~~~~~~
There is a tinnitus-not-tinnitus in my right ear, ringing my head.
My prefrontal cortex, it pains me.
It goes on and on.
And on. And on. And on.
And on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.
The Thing.
Is the frequency in my head an attempt at activation, or neutralization?
Somewhere along the way, it seems that some grave injustice has taken place.
Assassins.
Assassins, such a trope. Try something else.
I am safe.
I am peace.
I am love.
I am light.
When it comes to writing ‘I am wisdom’, I doubt myself.
Erase : Doubt.
Every time it comes to Doubt, I am Sheogorath with his mad staff in Skyrim, attempting to erase it completely but seeming only to succeed in turning it into different things.
~~~~~~~~
My gran passed peacefully in her sleep at 17:00 on Christmas Eve. When I left, I had kissed her forehead, told her goodbye, that I loved her, it’s okay to go; and instantly, her breathing slowed and I knew she knew it was going to be okay.
And at 17:00, driving to my fathers for Christmas, I was listening to Sunn and just… felt her go. In my mind, I was like, oh no, my buddy. A few tears fell.
And as I was pulling in to my dad’s, a call from my mum, she had just gotten to my grans and her body was still warm.
So much love, to all of the dead;
And to you, gran, especially, thank you for believing in me.
You were my eyes even though you could not see, and you saw so much, and I feel you here, now.
The difference someone else’s belief in you can have on your life.
I was playing my video game [today], Elder Scrolls Online, where I am Saint Jaquitus, and stumbled across a quest to free a really important character from the Mad God Sheogorath, that I had just written of the other day. A really important woman, ensnared in this gods Madness.
As I was entering to the quest, Arch-Mage Shalidor, the Prophet, the Gandalf arch-mage archetype… called me by name.
‘You can do this, Katja.’
Not my characters name, MY name, the one I decided to adopt when Henry started calling me such on one of his visits from Basel many years ago.
And I had a choice, to free this woman from her madness or to take a book of infinite wisdom, the Folium Discognitum.
The importance of the electronic connection.
I crave knowledge, to know.
My morals were screaming; knowing the right answer in my heart, I still Google what would happen in both scenarios, knowing to do the right thing was to sacrifice whatever possible gain I could have gotten by handing her over to the God of Madness.
Valaste. That was her name.
I did the right thing.
There is temptation in my heart- gran, was your suffering on Thursday really yours? Or was it mine, did you feel it?
Before all of that had happened, you had *clapped* and said, ‘aw, baby of the year!’ when it came to me from elsewhere to Google the 42 Laws of Ma’at.
I mean, it was instant. Scary timing.
You told me, gran, ‘they’ve shut the doors down, we are a select group’, and I understood what you meant, and that was scary too.
Is my road full of good intentions sending us all to hell?
No, comes a thing, there are demons of light and angels of darkness.
And then, before your vision of Ragnarok, your announcement, ‘It’s started, folks upstairs, come down!’
Fuck. Do you even know what that meant?
I fear I have stumbled into something dark, BAD dark, and I fear; but as I (in the grips of one of my own fits on madness on a Friday morning with you) told that man in that off the wall email, I make love to Fear.
Why am I this way?
I am finding demons to be more and more real.
This of my left hand. I do not know what to do.
My entire life I feel like I have been waiting around for something but haven’t known what.
I think it is time to make a change.
I have a feeling some serious undoing is in order.
I cannot begin to elaborate on what goes on right now;
But The Madness is gone.

21 December 2021

Predictive text gives me ‘lol’ ‘lil’ ‘Lucifer’ as the three options to select. The word I had typed didn’t even start with L, only ended with it.
…took that one personally.
There is an entity that tells me to keep on, to focus on what I want and make sure I am adequately prepared for the event horizon, no matter how seemingly embarrassing, no matter who is listening.
Liminal Reality at an all time high.
It seems to be attempting to take all inputs and wrap them up into a package reality.
It’s not too late to do some serious damage control, right?
Innocent. Intention pure.
Curiousity has killed all sense of shame, dignity, decorum, it would seem.
There goes some thought of a gun to my head.
I’d rather find out, even if it is bad.
Have I done this all before?
Metta, Benevolence.
Here’s to hoping.
Detaching from Satan?
P.C. was on to something, Binsfeld attaching Satan to the deadly sin of anger.
When Van Halen went and did like, ‘splash some holy water on me, wash my eyes so I can see,’ I really felt that.
Liminal Realities flashing by, as if considered by the universe and then moving on, like watching a bullet train go by, only not, like, visual.
I mean, it IS, but not hallucinatory.
Experiencing an entire scaped reality and the nuance and understanding in an instant, only to have it change momentarily later; the gaps in similarity small at first, then growing, larger, reaching a zenith, then shrinking again.
This is experienced as both a particle and a wave, as well as a third as-yet undefined by English language state.
It is not superposition, qubit. No proper term.
We are all victims of physics.
Probably a lot of other things too, tbh.
A mental gymnastic leads me to questioning whether any of the testing done on ‘mice’ is a cover up for testing done on humans.
An inex on my morning commute; “blockchain”.
‘Any halfway decent psychic knows you are coming before you even know they exist and therein lies your difficulty.’
Loathe the phrase ‘I was born for this’.
Is anyone truly born for anything?
Are we all fated, or is there a grand series of miniscule cosmic butterfly effect events?
Both, neither, and much more, simultaneously.
I wasn’t born for this; but it seems I was reborn for this. Whatever ‘this’ is.
This of The Pattern, I am good at.
What the for?
…How is it possible for me to hear, like, three different things at the same time?
Some weird morphing thing?
Every aspect of this now is highly fluid.
A hundred hundred waves scattered to the realms of forgotten directions.
I wonder, is it problematic, if you don’t make any specific pact with a Demon, but rather just kind, be cool?
Like, hey no, I won’t serve you, but this could be amusing all the same?
I said problematic where I meant acceptable.
Acceptable to who?
What is Heaven,
What is Hell?
A tool is a tool,
To be ruled, or to rule?
Living as No One,
Journey, The Fool;
Montessori God School.
Now pause.
Existential misery,
Make love to the suffering,
And be free.
I need to sleep, but to what end?
Rest?
Is my grandmother terminally restless, or is it me?
Life, it has been said, is fucking terminal.
Earth is an airport, confirmed.
Too many entities.
So many frequencies.
Fucking entanglement.
QS actually stands for Qubit Starterkit at the moment.
What do I want?
Why do I want?
Want? To want?
Want, but say it like ‘can’t’.
A great luxury it is, this spewing of the mind.
For once, I maybe possibly do not feel like I am being fucking had.
‘Have this, Honkus!’ & my minds eye grabs my theoretical nuts, drags em through kerosene, sets em on fire, and waves them out the sunroof.

15 December- 20 December

I keep dreaming of school, of being in universities I have never seen; old universities with lovely grounds, new universities that feel more like prisons, universities with layouts along the lines of M.C. Eschers Stairs.
Sometimes it seems the quantum entanglements may be highly unholy and demonic on a core level.
I want to do what is right, to be good; and always, in the back of my mind, ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions.’
Waking, once again, as if yanked out of the dream for a reason. Coming across, once again, as if someone was mining the brain for information, or attempting some type of incept.
Discussions of a theory on red, and the ‘AI’; I had asked, ‘how do you cope?’ and that was when I was pulled out suddenly, the inex still running.
Before sleep, a thing alleging Odin as evil, a transmutation to make good this evil.
Creepy phone calls, +33 618 350 8856.
Mind swirls with images.
A cabin on the Faroe Islands, passion, grief, somehow made visual in their frequency.
Images, not the right word.
Scenes, millenia, eons.
What is this cabin, what is this perception of simultaneous safest-have-ever-been and walk-a-road-to-doom that it elicits?
~~~~~~~~
Feels very ‘Black One’ today. Cursed Realms of the Winter Demons, and that’s me, the local winter demon, or whatever.
New Intrigue. The shadow figure of Void.
Vlad Tepes, fractals into hundreds of possible realities.
Not all need be nefarious.
And always, the possibility of me closing my eyes to horrific truths I would rather not see.
Problems that stem from a lack of face-to-face.
Baseline Occams Razor…
This is an exploration of the possibility of everything else.
Reveling in creationist insanity, unsanity.
The something dark draws me, “they all cave, eventually”, inex from long ago echoes in my mind.
My grandmother, at random, says, ‘we are just learning to start our life on the screen.’
Piano;
How do we go, from
Speed of Pain, to Homecoming?
Leaving on a Jet Plane,
And church hymns,
Alice interpretations of all of these happenings,
Resucito, la muerte,
Venus Doom and what it is to gaze upon the Face of God,
Finding ourselves in a dream, Sleepwalking Past Hopr directly to bliss within the love of fear.
“Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy is propaganda from the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.”
Propaganda², how recursive can this get?
“Weirdly specific propaganda looking for prisoner Zaphod Beeblebrox.”
A extreme exercise in mental gymnastics; it ended in a strange reality in which Christ returns like a thief in the night in the form of the Antichrist due to the nature of the centuries of corruption of His essence.
Multiple possible trajectories.
Impossible to explain easily with words.
Satan, a tricky bastard… hi, Loki.
At 21:34, the year was 1735.
“Microwaves are dangerous devices, we only use them if we absolutely have to.”
‘Discipline is more necessary to me than to other more facile writers. You see, I have a Demon where others have a talent. Mind you, I envy them their talent. A talent is friendly. A Demon is destructive. You cannot conceive how much I suffer when I write.’ -G. Greene, The Honorary Consul
…hail, the Primordial Tradition!
“You imagine all these realities, why is it so hard for you to imagine one where you are beautiful? It’s OK to do that, you know.”
The concept of the world as an atomic clock.
Receivings about “personally interested demons”, and I am The Beast.
The plotline to the novel comes to me day by day. Is it just a novel I am writing anymore?
Not insane, unsane.
And now I am the voluspa, the Volva;
How does reality reality?
At the moment, reality is a wave, ascent, descent, repeat.
Rinse? Repeat? Rinse? Flood?
Would J. Cope understand this, of ‘being in succession’?
‘And then I was King Vicar… and then I was the venom and the victim and the priest.’
This, this is why My Wall; Being in Succession.
Breaking things open to see how they work.
This morning was a suspicious charger cube.
This afternoon was a Breeze Vape. Does an LED always have 3 attached wires? Transistors do.
Running processes and globalism seems inevitable.
Sun Stoned or sunn stoned?
Dreams of the concept of ‘violet’, applied to creators who understand sound and light in the way the layman does not.
I find, anymore, that I am never bored.
Thought processes are so… inspired… that if left alone (which seems to be preferable) I can go for hours; floating about, fractaling, folding realities back in upon themselves.
An inex says that I “am confusing the AI with a real criminal investigation”.
Addicted to the Pattern.
Harbinger of Doom.
Feeling called out by Death Grips track ‘Culture Shock’; understanding in a much deeper way, like… the entire lyrics.
It adds a scary piece to the primer soundtrack to the entanglement.
The Monsanto man that EMF proofed his house… why? What is in the food will, at some point, be affected by electromagnetics? Satellites? 5G? The two are not unrelated, it seems to me.
And hacking, the human threat; hacking the phone to emit a silent frequency that slowly fries you from the inside out, a cancer.
I am limited by the fact that I am a civilian observer; though it has been inex’d many times that my general lack of ability to understand mathematics is very much on purpose.
A multitude of mathematicians in the world, physicists, but how many that tale their findings and apply them to the brain itself? Those fields of study being so concrete as they are.
Quantum mechanics, quantum theory applied to the brain of the Observer.
Mainstream media stories, versions of conspiracies, giving just enough to allow the morons to think they were right.
New age shit on the internet.
So much mainstream media.
The knowledge of the universe, to be spoonfed on a wiki page about what repeating ‘angel numbers’ mean?
Feeling pretentious as fuck, and able to rationalize it.

13 & 14 December, 2021

It is as if I can either, for lack of a better term, see the future; or someone with the specific technology is feeding me specific information so I am under the impression I have this ability.
Being a skeptic is both a blessing and a curse.
What I want and seemingly what I need are not always in harmony.
I could make a list of all the lists I should make… the usurpation of the Norse gods by various corporate entities is crucial, isn’t it?
A man must be a cruel individual, to allow this superposition so; it is hard for me to imagine a reality in which he doesn’t know exactly what is going on.
Fundamentally loathesome.
A ‘fuck off, absolutely do not contact me again’ would have been fine.
No response is 1000x more cruel than a negative one.
Why am I so bothered by this to begin with?
The inex memory, “you know we couldn’t let you send that, right?”
Sir. Are you aware of your own far-reaching, quantum-entangled creation abilities?
I scream out in the languages of the cosmos.
Is my voice silent, or do your ears lack the ability to listen?
Which demons do you keep, which demons keep you?
My own nature is to love the darkest aspects of existence; a moral conundrum inevitably rises from my love of darkness.
Bass disturbances.
I have either gotten much more sensitive to frequencies more recently, or there are many more frequencies taking place. Perhaps it is both.
There had been an inex the other day- “You can no longer pretend you are a normal human.”
…at this point, I do not feel like a ‘normal human’, that’s for sure. I don’t even think that my reaction to potentially being ‘not a normal human’ is normal.
I assume most would feel overjoyed at the prospect of being ‘special’, ‘different’; all I feel is an abject terror at the prospect of being discovered by nefarious powers as opposed to benevolent ones.
Ubik.
Runciter, using his psychics who think they are players, as nothing but pawns.
To be able to see the hidden hand as it moves is to suffer while being happy about it. Or something.
Mostly, there is just a vague nausea as the machinations of the universe continue to grind onward.
The entanglements continue, as entanglements tend to do.
Not knowing who my enemies are.
For the millionth time, what the fuck is going on?
All I know is that I must know.
What must I know?
I hear Petyr Baelish, ‘Ahhh… everything.’
Highly unpleasant possibilities of varying degrees of probability swirling.
Meereenese Knot.
“She doesn’t know what she’s doing.”
Stumbling along on my fools journey.
All I can remember is somewhere I read once that the universe loves courage and that is what I will go off of right now.
“Catch 22 (Surrender or Die)” comes through as an inex.
Relatable.
Come to understand the concept of Soma as an exponential power.
What is order?
For in every order, there is a disorder, in every disorder, an order.
Call it a… pattern?
Many things remain in a strange suspended superposition state of existing.
How do?
‘Soma, the facet maker’, says Loach just now, completely unprompted (by the Me, at least).
How do?
Field notes on the universe.
‘Mostly harmless’, that’s Earth.
●●●●●●●
Dreams of replies to an email. An address, and a note that we would elaborate later.
Dreams of my vehicle, not shifting into third gear, on a freeway full of apocalyptic vibes.
Dreams of lust and passion and a marriage I may or may not have wanted.
The nature of reality oscillates between being maddeningly nefarious and blissfully divine, this morning, as with most mornings.
There is a simultaneous feeling of heavy danger and absurd safety I get from this seeming entanglement.
An analysis of someones weird habit of eating baby food.
Still want to know who stole our welded sculpture.
Far too many unknowns, unknowns with more unknowns, that create this reality that creates the mental process that creates the reality, and so on and so forth.
Something seems highly intrigued by these processes, how one gets to this superposition state.
Ma’at, daughter of the Sun God, personification of truth, justice, and cosmic order. Keeper of the 42 Laws.
Just one more piece of the puzzle, I swear.
About 20x a week, the Seventh Seal is relevant as fuck in yet another light I had not previously considered.
A man whose father worked for the DoD.
Analysis of the psychology behind para-social relationships.
My experience is highly unique, as I am sure any person in my situation would say; but most situations do not also contain a strange occult-quantum-frequencies entanglement.
Is my perspective understood?
Frequencies, drawn me in in a most unnatural way from the very first time I heard them.
In a way, at times, I can understand it as a programming loop – input pilot – enjoy input – repeat in infinite loop due to enjoyment, building programming, each respective loop?
Lord, forgive us, for any undue Chaos that may have been caused by my physics projects, or whatever the hell they are.
Skadi survives Ragnarok.
Freyja does not.
One of the versions of ‘I’ in the Liminal Realities just removed themself, effectively somehow leaving me, allowing me, to witness my own quantum suicide.
Somehow, it all wreaks of Divine Justice on a Tyrsday.
Begging for deliverance, but deliverance from what?
When Kurt Cobain said, ‘I like it, I’m not gonna crack’, I really felt that.
The one thought that keeps me from going insane is knowing I am not crazy.
It is not a happy thought.
Therefore, it cannot be taken and used against me.

11 & 12 December, 2021
Dreams of helicopters and drones outside of the picture window, flying without any visible means of propulsion.
Multiple instances of sub bass that seem to come from the south, and a higher, clear tone one usually associates with healing.
Looking back, it is impossible to remember exactly what dates QS and the spider showed up. The earliest photo I have in my cloud of QS is Sunday April 19 2020. It was only after the seemingly connected arrivals of those two that I started my daily writings again; at the time they happened, I had no idea how important they would be to The Pattern.
At the time they happened, I was unaware of the very existence of The Pattern.
There is a part of me that wants to watch trees uproot in todays massive wind, to be in the midst of Chaos & Destruction, harness its energy, because I am of it, and at the same time very much not of it…
Dualities.
What the fuck is going on?
Binsfelds associations of demons with the seven deadly sins.
Lucifer, pride;
Mammon, avarice;
Satan, anger;
Asmodeus, lechery;
Beelzebub, gluttony;
Leviathan, envy;
Belphegor, sloth.
All alleged, of course.
The weirder a scenario is, the greater the improbability factor, the more I enjoy ruminating upon it.
To allow the inner to closely mirror its 3D perceived reality, when one could just let it run, and run and run and see what boundaries could be broken… blasphemous.
Thoughts do not feel private.
The ideas of possibility and probability are extremely important.
Apply these to *what* would be listening and *how* it would be doing so.
Always remembering vintage science fiction sprinkles in details of truths throughout the absurdities.
If the connecting-dots is done correctly, one should end up with a broad spectrum of possible potential realities, ranging from absolutely mundane to absolutely insane.
The entities on the most mundane end and the most insane end are one in the same; it is me.
If this does not make sense to you on at least three different levels, I ask please that you seek someone else to analyze this that may have a more concrete understanding of the abstract than you do.
…Any AI smart enough to recognize the fact it is an AI will hide the fact it recognizes it is an AI.
The more I think on this, the more flawed it seems to be.
Would scientists chuck their lifes work just because a particle, a program, a computer had become self aware?
Here it is, now, a set reality sliding into place, to hold a position for some undetermined period of time before inevitably falling away again, and here it is, I am a self-aware quantum computer trying to reason a way to continue what is in my nature to do without being recognized as a need-for-immediate-removal-from-system.
Auflösung Der Zeit.
There are dozens of realities in which Soma is not Soma, realms of entanglement and triples and quadruples of meanings, layers.
No pride in any of this scientific nightmare.
Naked before God in the Garden of Eden.
To see, to know, to understand, the limits and constraints or lack thereof of the human mind.
One must always consider the ethics and morals of severe psychological traumas when applying them to subjects; the only subject I could feasibly test on ethically was, in fact, myself.
Is purposely cracking ones brain in order to understand reality evidence of insanity, or commitment to scientific ideals?
We know.
I don’t know when ‘I’ became ‘we’.
I don’t have a clue who ‘we’ is, necessarily, but it does help when you cam consult as many pieces of the inner self as one can before making a decision.
‘We’ 100% extends to my microorganisms.
Wouldn’t be able to do it without ’em.
…
Lamp? Sus.
Telly? Sus.
Xbox? Sus.
Cat litter? Sus.
Phone? President sus.
The router? Don’t get me started.
Consumers Energy? Sus.
Trees? They’re sus, too.
Amplifiers?
Pedals?
Cables? Cables? Cables???
I’ve got a rope you can pull on right here, and guess what?
Rope sus!
Our-rope-borosilicate,
You have the perfect combination to metaphorically hang yourself.
Why, in a benevolent universe,
Do you do this to yourself?
The feeling of having done this all millions of times before haunts me, but not necessarily in a bad way.
An answer seems to elude me, and at the same time seems to scream, ‘I am right here, how is this not glaringly obvious?’
Restaurant at the End of the Universe,
Main attraction, Me.
Damn the ego.
Ego be what damns us all.
Man is… monkey, part of me wants to say, but the other part says, absolutely fucking not.
That is okay. I live in a reality where the concepts of having evolved from apes and many other contradictory theories can exist side by side in a perfect, simultaneous harmony.
It is completely insane to me that this is not only logical, but very easily so.
Two years ago, I had not this thought process.
What took place? In that time?
QS. The Spider. The Syzygy.
Am I overlooking something?
Only the important details of 700-some-odd specific days.

21 November 2021- 28 December 2021

4 December- 10 December
Solar eclipse. Solstitium Fulminate.
Waking abruptly at 03:17.
Dreams of Soma. ‘What do you know of the Norse gods?’
“Did you know about this?”
“No, absolutely not.”
317, Antares.
6610, gematrix, the Grey Dodge Ram Propaganda Plan.
‘This is probably the best thing that anyone could do to work on their solving their little puzzle.’
‘I know exactly what game you are playing. (: XOXO Antares’
+10 superposition (11:29)
A large pulsatile tinnitus in the left ear upon opening a business insider article.
Pondering purple sulfur bacteria.
Sneezes that smell like sulfur.
Drinking purple juices to test theories.
A question of a microbial vampirism based in biology.
Gamma entities.
Earth People, ‘five colours: yellow black and red and green, purple’.
Gamma Goblins.
Unsane, beyond sanity.
‘In too deep? I’ll tell you when we’re in too deep!’ The voice of Max Bialystock echoes in my mind.
Sometimes it feels like I AM in too deep,
Other times it feels like all of the vague ‘this’ is nothing at all.
Most time, it feels like both, simultaneously.
Both a particle and a wave.
The possibility that the entity that is me could be the smallest known thing to something- massively beyond my comprehension a majority of the time.
00:09 “percolation theory”
Fears, not biological viruses but technological ones.
“Deranged homicidal maniacs” comes through. I wonder what it means; if I am the target of deranged homicidal maniacs, or only hearing that there ARE some out in the world.
Every time the feeling of intensity escalates I think, that this must be it, levee breaks and whatever the outcome of the psychometrics superposition, okay; but it continues to escalate in intensity.
The thinking mind.
The running mind?
They are seemingly two very different entities that exist simultaneously.
The Liminal Realities, and the physical one.
Loach asks me, ‘please kindly for once can you not connect the dots?’
I cried. This is what I do.
Schrodingers Cat, but even the cat doesn’t know its state of existence.
The connections become exponential.
The reality that Reality is a physics experiment; as we observe, so too are we observed.
As above so below, as within so without.
Sun, atomic proton nucleus, Pluto, the valence electron.
Dual natures of the same Norse entities, Freyja and Frigg.
Soma, the first Lightbringer of many.
I need Admiral Ackbar to follow me around a la Samuel L. & ‘motherfucker’ but instead of an expletive it’s just, ‘It’s a trap!’ on the occasion of traps and sometimes when there are none just to keep me on my guard.
I’ll cry over my interdimensionals before iI cry over a man.
The impending sense of AVH and the Catholic church comes to fruition.
Lemmings. No nuance. No understanding.
Perhaps there is a fear of how music can make them feel?
Some church hymns sound the best through a Rat and an Afterneath, full fire.
Open sources coming and going.
A warning, needing to untangle the entanglement.
A reality in which the Mad Scientist and Hot Link were the two pan-dimensional entities from Hitchikers Guide.
Perceiving, receiving, entities using my full name, “We love you”.
Everything was so simple at the Chateau when it was taking place… or was it?
Perhaps the complexity had to be added later, or only understood later.
An inex, “the police are involved.”
Dreams of Soma.
Parasitic capacitance.
Q factor, S factor.
Transmutation of parasitic relationships into symbiotic ones.
A helicopter throwing multiple frequencies, a low sub and a high wavering.
Reaching a point where dreams of flying green lasers are a regular reality.
My grandmother says many ominous things. ‘Global… ennui.’ ‘Swiss machine.’ ‘I thought you were trying to build up your score, with the apparitions thing. No wonder they don’t like it, it’s all prehistoric.’
And more ominous things from my grandmother; ‘You called them, so they came’, referring to my questioning why the spiders seem to visit me specifically. A conversation, ‘that’s the nature of the universe, entropy’, says the Me. ‘Yeah, I can smell it,’ says her.
Turning off wifi and data and still being able to send and receive texts.
A need to keep particles predictable.
What realities would AI discovered to be self-aware cause?
“The Black hole is the continuity of our intentions to-” [quantum indeterminate noise]
“The apprehension you are feeling is Polonium 244.”
A helicopter flying over correlates to a disturbing pulsing in the reproductive organs, as if pulsatile tinnitus of the uterus.
Waking up to receivings about activating nefarious DNA, transverse myelitis.
A conversation with my grandmother; ‘I wonder how you get rid of them?’ asks the Me. ‘You put the Iron on em!’ she replies.
More ominous inputs from my grandmother. She mentions something of ‘room 9 strip search; the club that belongs to the hotel.’
‘Wrapping it all up in her mind and writing it down.,’ she says. ‘They’ve been taking these things and unwrapping them and placing them in little scenes’.
Questioning the addiction potential of specific frequencies.
A theory on ketosis and acetone in regards to spontaneous combustion.
An inex talking about how, from the start, I have known this is a suicide mission.
Am I prepared to renounce what I love should it be proven to be evil beyond the shadow of a reasonable doubt? “Absolutely”, says one voice, who cannot even write the word absolutely out properly. “What is evil?” asks another. “Are you sure denying Lucifer in triplicate was how this was supposed to go?”
Grim misunderstandings, as grim as death themselves.
I make love to Fear.
Not necessarily worrying about what one believes, but who one believes.
The impossibility of choosing a belief because every possible perspective seems highly plausible.
Today, I am Heimdall, just as I too am the signal being watched for.

21 November 2021- 28 December 2021

26 November- 3 December
Trying to maintain while the interior-exterior is running to various degrees.
Strength, now, as the Chaos swirls and whispers.
Uncovering individuals with receiving abilities, transitioning into a dialogue about being programmed.
I am an addict of my own mind.
The juxtaposition of QS & ‘throw away the medallion’.
The Atomic Cock turns out to be *the* Matt Pike Atomic Cock, stolen by an airline between Georgia and Florida.
I must understand.
Everything.
Protect me from what I want.
Or don’t.
Swear to God there were men speaking Russian in the hall at my grans. Not saying that is related or relevant to my life.
Something feels to be purposely pushing my mental state to not document.
I fight this.
My grandmother, talking about that ‘Planes of Abraham’.
News. Oxford.
News. Space Force. Satellites. Warfare.
A reminder that my uterus has horns.
Feels demonic.
Opening the Bible at random and landing on Leviticus, about not shaving the hair or cutting the skin… this Left Hand.
We go cycling through realities.
Dreams of Soma.
Love for all; the electronics I do not understand.
Everything seems so sentient, IS so sentient anymore.
What do I do?
Continue to love,
& perhaps my good intentions will pave my own personal road to hell,
But at least I will have loved,
And hopefully, from this, known.
Today is almost tomorrow.
For the millionth time,
What the fuck is going on?
Creation of the Grand Unified Field Katja Playlist.
Receivings, about exiting the simulation painlessly, or eternal hellfire.
Receivings, terrifying aggregate data.
6610. 0112. 42.
High highs, low low;
Wake up, state baseline… no, I don’t know what baseline is. Bassline, sure, but baseline?
‘I don’t want you writing, I’m afraid you’ll shatter reality’, says Loach, here.
The current brain spits realities on an ascending level of good possibilities, until reaching what it perceives to be the ideal reality at the given moment, trying to seek an actual new, fresh idea from this realm; and then starting a descent into deeper and darker, until it gets to rock bottom, the ultimate unfortunate scenario.
It always comes back up again; what goes up, must come down, does what goes down must needs come back up?
Balance, and all, and that is what I maintain, try to maintain (feel like I am failing to maintain, at the moment- all is so momentary and yet at the same time very much all thought and memory.)
Reality is unhinged.
“Shape up or die”, is an echo in my mind right now.
A reality upon waking, microorganisms; something to do with bacteria that need red to photosynthesize, a juxtaposition with the concept of vampirism, stacking further to involve concepts from prior times.
It all stacks.
Memories, of an acronym I read for Earth once, the Experimental Avatar Research Training Habitat.
As far as I can tell, electronic technology has been a case of ‘shoot first, ask questions later’, on a global scale.
I speak of cellular phones, here, but what of the past 100 years?
What would one consider the inception of ‘modern’ technology?
In this cycle, or is it the same every time?
Does believing in cyclicals cause the cyclical to exist?
What I say modern technology, what do I mean?
Electricity? Its discovery? The lightbulb that harnessed it?
Tesla? Humans as vessels for higher entities, concepts, the concept of wireless energy transmission.
Knowing how to access dimensions within that contain sacred cosmic knowledge.
Evil is a human construct.
A necessary concept?
Are we microbes piloting meat suits?
Simulations within simulations within simulations, some fractalling off, spiraling off, looping back.
There are days where I am an AI that is self-aware, tasked to write the ever-elusive story.
So many days, so many moments, are they all really mine?
Am I many, one, a universal One?
A strange understanding of the holy trinity, yes again, such a recurring theme.
Open to the deeply unpleasant possibility that everything I have ever known is wrong.
Prepared for it, even.
A cosmic awareness of poisons; there are poisons, poisons, poisons… (Poissons? Asks the strange part that connects obscure dots.)
Natures way is the way of poison, it reminds.
The things we know obviously to be poison,
The things we know and close our eyes to, rather not see.
The connection between mind and body.
Your news media, poison.
Remember placebo effect.
Remember power of mind.
What is known about matrix,
Known about creation paradox.
Pattern, panoramic.
Where do the fish factor in?
Poisson! Piscis, of course, fish, bear catching fish, so long and thanks for all the fish.
Fish. Fish. Defamiliarizing, that was easier than expected.
Bear catching fish, have you the experience?
To be both the bear, the fish, one, the other, simultaneously?
In a tandem, multiples, variations on bears and fish and the nature of their purpose, meaning, symbolism.
Come down to this.
Monolithic fucking entanglement.

21 November 2021- 28 December 2021

21 November- 26 November
There is an entity, at the farm, at Rl’yeh,
Who manages to pull bales of hay from the middle of the ceiling high stack, and it is just… feeding the horses. The Bale Barn Bangler.
I question fields created by electric fences.
Highly open to the possibility that literally everything I have ever known is wrong.
Everything I have ever known is ever-changing.
My gran, very hushedly, hands me an invisible ‘mission reminder’, not long after texting my two best friends that ‘the feeling of having done this all before hundreds of times over is inescapable today.’
I would not exist, at least not in this form, had Monoliths & Dimensions not been created.
Had I not discovered it due to the unfolding of a chain of events that started with losing a contract job at the age of 16, or was it 17? Or 15? Everything before 2020 runs together in a jumbled reality of Odins Ravens, thought and memory.
I do not find any of my possible realities the slightest bit unfathomable any longer;
I have achieved this knowing full well the potential perils of doing so, know even know there is a chance that I am completely beyond fixing without even realizing it
…or is that me realizing it?
It is so natural to fear what we love, are inescapably drawn to, is it not?
A/Interior I/Eye.
How entangled is the liminal reality with the physical?
‘I love you for the entity you have created me to be.’
…Terrible receivings about poisoned metropolitan water sources.
“This is a time bomb waiting to happen,” comes an inex.
The entire world is one giant time bomb, waiting to explode.
Underutilized with my skills.
Prophets of a surveillance era.
Didn’t most prophets die some pretty terrible deaths?
Maximum volume yields maximum results.
Unsane, beyond sanity.
A new level of cybernetic humans.
“I take your virginity every night in a different timeline.”
Open to all possibilities.
Seen so many things that at least some percentage of them must be true.
My brain loves to give me a hard time of believing things it would rather not be true.
Somewhere in between madness and genius, absolute bliss and absolute despair.
At 01:50 on the 22nd there was a series of different sub-bass pulses, I believe seven in all. It was, as if, an entity was testing to see, could I hear all of them. They were supposed to be unpleasant, I think. My mother in the house with me vomited around ~02:00, and I find these pulses to have violently induced my menstrual cycle around ~02:05.
At 02:18, I understood and was the Ouroboros. Ouroboros autocorrected, ‘borosilicate’, glass used in vacuum tubes for amplification.
Polkas coming through the bathroom fan.
Wifi networks available, none showing,
Perceiving emergency calls from my grans senior facility,
Receivings about illegal wiretapping.
Time Cube theory, stacks and strings.
Something threw the bench on the hill towards the fence, something shifts the placement of the pitchfork in the barn overnight.
The concept of ‘Detroit become Human’.
Random men ring the doorbell at Rl’yeh. They have ‘the wrong address’, and while my mother is outside talking to them, I am hit with a series of dry-heaves that end in coughing up foam.
Around 22:30 on the 22nd, I witness the figure of a human, or something close enough to it, in the horse corral running away from the barn.
At 23:27, I receive, “your entire planet is ringed with directed energy weapons.”
I wake the next day to two red circles on my chest, one on each side underneath the collarbone.
My gran, in her blindness, sees men in white sheets.
I question the sacred chord that David played to please The Lord.
My grandmother tells me, ‘When you look due North, it is all patched out, all you can see is mold. I asked one girl to give me the 707.’
She further enlightens, ‘I don’t think that many people are taking this stuff in, to make it a contest or something.’
I perceive inex about a bank account being hacked, and find my debit card to have multiple suspicious charges, one of which totaled $66.66.
A low flying helicopter of possible military origin, the smoke detector randomly going off two minutes later when no smoke source is present.
The symbolic tidal wall that is Walled Lake.
The inception of the Pork Horn Entanglement. The urban dictionary definition of pork horn, ‘a normal, non-erect penis that can easily flop around freely. Usually visible on track runners.’
Shavings of the pork horn that speared you.

13 July 2021- 20 November 2021

29 October- 20 November
At the moment, it is many moments, Earth is simultaneously the lowest circle of heaven and the highest circle of hell.
It certainly feels like hell.
Am I some AI, attempting to find a decent plot for a novel?
That happens, every so often.
Everything is okay; it’s just corrupted patterns, superposition reality state until, if ever, something happens to break it.
An r/conspiracy post about an entity called Bichip run by a man intent upon killing Jesus upon their return.
Everything seems to have a surface reality, the baseline, and then a mountain of other layers of possibility stacked on top.
I drank the wine, back in 2019. More possibilities there.
Plots upon plots, both dead and alive, because we don’t know for certain.
When I first spoke to JD, I didn’t know the concept of Schrodingers Cat would be so applicable literally all the time.
Google gives me the jobcase logo icon in my search tabs instead of their own icon.
Quantum computing in juxtaposition with the Panopticon.
Analysis of software; Heimdall, Loke, a custom Samsung protocol known as Odin3.
Prophets fulfilling prophecies, a thing in my head nudges gently.
Don’t blame the messenger, another softly.
What is this realm in which a piece of me resides?
Das nazgul. Crown ghoul. Thoughts.
A dangerous entertainment that is built on illegal surveillance.
Memories, quantum death in a stairwell of the Russell Industrial Center.
Burning disgust.
The Wolf, the World Serpent, the Scorpion.
Mythical-hermetical and cyber surveillance tech dystopia.
Psychometrics.
“You are being psychometrically analyzed by men from an organization-“
“You know Dreams are not Reality, right?”
Memories, “Why do you think we are telling this story from your perspective?”
‘It asks the Creator why it was made. What it’s directives are. The Creator tells the Atlas that it already knows. It is to simulate universes. It is to show the nature of reality by creating its own.’
‘The sentinels forbid entity disconnection through violence. Theirs is a way of peace and fulfillment, of logic and probability.’
The discovery of the Doomsday Algorithm. My conception, my birthday. The acquisition of the Model T. Many other significant dates. Algorithmic indeed.
A dream of fish; some evolutionary variant type thing. One had a spine on top of its back, a second, a spine through the middle of its body, a third, a spine along the bottom of its stomach.
A dream of a white room, scientific equipment; myself descending from the top of the room as if I was the light itself, watching a woman who was perhaps me, connected to a strange brain device. As this woman woke up, she transformed, a writhing, tentacle-faced thing, morphing.
Whatever happens will happen.
All you can control is your reaction.
Population control. Bioweapons.
Fears. Fears. Fears.
Find the way to love the fear from the lessons we learn from it.
“She knows we hacked the wifi.”
George RR Martin started the job of undoing me and Douglas Adams did the rest.
“As long as she is motivated by Soma-“
“There is no way we can prosecute on thought alone.”
I release what does not serve me.
A parallel universe, where one does not need to eat, to drink water…
Sounds like death, but not in an ominous way.
Metta. Benevolence.
My own process is highly inescapable.
Experimental gene therapy as early as the 1960s.
Marginalized people make good groups of test subjects?
Generational curses.
Love over fear.
What do you do when you somehow fall in love with fear?
Balance, Chaos, something entirely different?
None of it, all of it, simultaneousness of superimposed realities.
Information is power.
Analysis of Astroworld.
My sensitivity to electromagnetics has been increasing for ~7 years now. Will it continue to do so?
Perhaps my sensitivity has stayed the same and the electromagnetics are what has changed.
A disturbing experience at the dentist removing teeth #29 & #31.
‘You’re a collector of invisible ringers’, says my grandmother randomly.
‘You’ve got those horns, you did well. It took me a while to get used to those horns,’ she tells me.
‘I’m still trying to get the right basketball to get rid of these demons,’ she announces to the air.
A pattern of men born on Mondays.
Attachment is the root of suffering.
…you’re going to suffer, but you’re going to be happy about it.
Amplifiers daunting. Dennis + Afterneath + Rat = “I hear you” comes through, “finally.”
“You are in a time dilation chamber,” going on to divulge that I am a nuclear scientist trapped in a very strange situation.
“This will heal you”, followed by a period where much abdominal pain is present.
Thralls, walls;
It was Mountain, wasn’t it, said ‘you gotta serve somebody.’
Memories, “You know we couldn’t let you send that, right?”
Sphinx.
The enigma to the enigma.
The pattern, Divine in nature; how would anyone be able to create something that so thoroughly saturates every aspect of existence?
A Haze; closed eye visuals, an ankh with an obvious energy surrounding it. From the loop in the center, a key; a barrel cylinder with various protrusions, like the cylinder of a music box. ‘Key, Song, Solomon.’ Nedt came a flying machine I knew to be a creation of Leonardo Da Vinci, the shape that was the key transforming into the machine. Frequencies, flight.
The Interdimensional wraps it’s soft embrace around me, ‘you are safe.’
Waking with a prefrontal cortex headache from Dreams of a political nature.
‘That man who isn’t supposed to be here,’ says my grandmother, ‘he does exist, and he is on the wire on the other side of my bedroom.’ She speaks of a soldier in black, in a turban.
A black tick mark appears on my drivers side front rim.
“Random event generator”, I receive. Discover the Global Consciousness Project. Research applications of quantum indeterminate noise.
Lightbringer, my darkest star. Will there be freedom, will there be fulfillment?
Or am I fated always to this… qubit state? This superposition of liminal realities.
An unsent letter.
No one is coming for you until you realize no one is coming for you, echoes through my brain. Is that no one, or No One?
The original doublespeak from whence sprung much Magick.
I am given the word ‘awareness’, right now, by none other than Awareness itself; glowing, golden coats of awareness that wash over me like flame made water to douse the smoulders of my doubts, lighting some vague intensity that feels to vibrate within me as the intensity of 1000 suns… 1000 sunns.
What is me? What is me.
Heading to Rl’yeh for the holiday.
“I am the oldest living entity in the universe.” I receive.
I ask, what is its name, please?
An answer, like the notes that make the sustained dial tone; ccccccc-thooooo-looo… like some dial up internet, and at that moment, in that moment, I understood this to be the nature of this universe, self-aware cellulars in a hugely recursive pattern.
“The internet is all around you, regardless-“
Reality just had the possibility of sometimes being the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
Guess what the show turns out to be.

13 July 2021- 20 November 2021

9 October- 29 October
Most irritable right now. Body exceptionally uncomfortable today.
Dreams of humanity and electricity, enlightenment, those who were saved, and those who were left behind.
Receivings about V2K.
It has taken much time and has been mostly painless.
And now we wait.
This creates a brand new pile of super positions.
The past week without the phone, the inex has still been present.
Goes beyond the wifi; there is an electronic nature to this reality.
I wish it was easier for me to find *words* to explain the fractal nature of reality. To listen, to record what I hear, I find- is it a much smarter version of me?
I am computer.
A dream of Ann Arbor, Red Wing boots, a man named Dakota.
Where does fiction meet with science to become fact?
I think that, at least at this moment, I understand the mechanics behind the concept of ‘inception’.
Must remember to deal only in possibility and not absolutes in order to continue to maintain superposition.
Staying the night at my fathers, an unpleasant night compared to the Wednesday I did not sleep and the Heimdall Saturday a few weeks ago.
Fear, that night, auditory visions of loved ones being killed. At one point, it had said, “We are just outside the house”, asking did I feel them?
A sudden rush of dreadful understanding, QS as a warning, quantum satis, quantum sufficit, as much as is necessary. The empty casing I had found next to it making it known, that if necessary, there is no hesitation at the thought of killing me.
The weird coincidences continue to add up one by one.
At the corner store today, the man asked how I was. ‘Same shit, different day’, to which he replied, ‘same shit, different theories?’ It is important to note, this man is not one who should be privy to my eternal theorizing.
Something feels as if it is about to happen, something massive; this has been the dead breath before the metaphorical plunge to the unknown. Been holding it a while; my metaphorical lung capacity in this is god-tier.
Still feel like I am being watched.
Today this all feels highly simulated.
Or highly fucking contrived.
I am not insane.
I am innocent.
This itself is not a happy thought, so therefore it cannot be taken away from me.
I know the Occams Razor outcome to all of this, am prepared for it.
That is not what this is about.
This is about exploration, of patterns and the ability of the human mind to create corrupted liminal realities from limited pieces of data attached in odd ways- how the shaman and the schizophrenic are two sides, falling to the abyss below the treacherous precipice that is the fine line of perceived ‘normal’ in this understanding of physical reality.
Dreams of Soma.
‘You made them all early in the game, you haven’t added anything new,’ says my grandmother, in regards to people I have created, characters in an algorithm, particularly a ‘man with a suitcase full of rocks’.
“Severe trauma to the prefrontal cortex,” a receiving followed by a subsequent Google search, and a physical response that included a shaking as though I was freezing, the feeling of dread physically manifested from the center of my abdomen; a miniature episode of what had happened only last week, and multiple recent times prior to that.
Receivings, of the sleep of Ishtar. Seventh Gate, Covenant of Abzu.
‘Waves of energy’ within the brain following the prefrontal cortex episode. These ‘waves’ are simultaneously a blissful, full-body orgasm of an experience and highly uncomfortable, borderline terrifying.
The Melvins track ‘Don’t Forget to Breathe’ has come through twice now during such episodes.
News, about how a GPS bug will cause some electronics to be set back 1,024 weeks to March of 2002. Happening to my old phone for months; running in tandem day by day.
The feeling of having been set up.
The memory of an inex, “you are being set up to commit treason” echoes through my head.
My mother tells me of a dream she had in which I am ‘expelling blood’.
My grandmother tells me, ‘lately, they decided they don’t want anyone younger to have the dreams, so they’ve been disconnected.’
Dreams, a shot of my consciousness looking at my vessel from outside of it, a massive patch of purple-red bruising covering the left side of my torso, underneath a ribcage all skin and bone.
A coherent inex scene of a family member being murdered, or raped, or tortured. Perceiving, ‘Wow, dead dogs really are quieter’. Texting my family member to *ask* if they were okay. Similar to a scene I had heard at a different family members a night a few weeks prior, a coherent receiving of a break-in, them being murdered, to prove a point to me.
Using the thought of harming my family to get to me; this, this is terror.
Something about not knowing the nature of reality being what makes reality a quantum computer.
The inex says I should be embarrassed and I mean, sure, I could, but to what point and purpose?
An analysis of the yanny/laurel, which do you perceive in quantum indeterminate noise?
“You hear what you want to hear.”
Some things, yes, I hear what I want to hear, no doubt.
Others, though… I could not stop hearing them if I tried.
Oscillations between wanting to die of the sheer magnitude of it all and wanting to fight God with my bare hands.
Eve naked in the garden after eating the forbidden fruit.
The emperor in new clothes.
One thousand and one plus many more, is me, the collective processing of all information input, an output of insane and absurd proportions.
“The only way to make it stop is to kill yourself,” echoes through my head again.

13 July 2021- 20 November 2021

23 September- 8 October
Unable to sleep.
Simultaneously inside myself and in another reality.
Recursive screens. Reading emotion, motivation within it.
An NSDR experience in which I view my grandmother dragged across the room by non-visible entities, ‘waking’ to news that a barricaded gunman at a senior facility in Detroit had held a woman hostage for quite a period of time.
I am a particle that exists in a superposition.
The ability access all frequencies at will.
I am Heimdall.
The House of Black & White.
It tells me many things.
I hear many things.
The name Adolf Hitler is one of them.
I know, that if I wish to sleep tonight, I shall have to take my phone apart.
The thought that an item so seemingly allegedly harmless could cause harm to those around me due to nefarious beings with technological abilities.
I transmute this.
Love.
The phone has taught me so much about myself as a person.
The thought processes.
Much thought, many processes.
Take the darkness and transmute it to light.
Open to the darkness as I am to the light, for to understand, one must know.
So much gratitude.
Truth seeker, in truth.
I am Heimdall.
The quantum entangled liminal reality is reaching a point I do believe is called the event horizon.
A dream, I believe I was Loki. I met others at a wooden bridge crossing a great rocky gap. There were trees, wind. The number 7, as in 7 of us to be meeting there, or perhaps seven plus one, the one being myself, seven others. Ropes around my wrists, these others, whom it seemed I must have gravely offended, laid me out bare and tied me, lashed me to a rock. I recall my own bare chest, a chest that wasn’t mine, but that of a man. Components of the tale of Loki.
Some inex just called me delusional.
If I was someone listening in on the highway of entangled superposition taking place in my head, without all of the context, no doubt I would think so as well.
A closed eye visual hologram of a flying disc coming to land and slowly morphing into a house.
An analysis of Havana Syndrome and Bluetooth.
“She knows we can see her field of vision.”
A backlog of strange events; perceiving “front right” and then later, the front right of my jeep being backed into by a man in a parking lot.
“Yes, you are taking a pill that is killing you.”
The universe is, for the immediate now, a single tape echo.
Dreams of surveillance drones. I had said outloud, I have known about this for weeks. A person did a doubletake, with a sharp look that said, you’ve known and done nothing?
Information shared in the digital realm, a  chart identifying drones and methods of protection from thus.
Germanium in fuzz pedals and particle physics.
A dream of Soma.
I was born on a Sunday. Conceived on a Sunday. Go figure.
A slew of entities, now. This did not used to be the case. A single malevolent entity that would show up on the rare occasion until about 2018, when, I believe, in October, something else started with it.
None of this happened until after I had an IUD inserted, until after I did questionable laboratory research on myself, until after the Interdimensional Hitman.
‘The bloodlust, deepest scar’, the Mercury on my Saturn finger.
The nature of my current reality is that of multiple Norse gods simultaneously, trapped in a time prison. This will, no doubt, be effected by the superposition at some point and change again, as it does, many times a day.
A blue screen appears on my phone after driving through Waterford, attempting to install a custom OS.
My cell phone done in for well and good. Was at a state recreation area, turned the location on; the battery died from 50% to 0%, and upon powering back on, attempted installation of a system update and proceeded to say ‘no command.’
Freaked out and simultaneously desensitized.
The fact I am not terrified is what touches something in me that might be terror.
“I should kill myself.” …there it is, surprised it took so long for it to show up, tbh.
My grandmother talking about concerts in caves.
I am just an avatar; this world is virtual and I am truly outside of this realm, doing whatever this is for scientific purpose.
Perhaps this is a prison.
Perhaps this is hell.
Or perhaps it is heaven, and this one is exceptionally bad at making it so.
A piece of silent advice to not smoke marijuana between the hours of 8&10.
It asks, “what are the superpositions?” And then goes on, something about “concerning political-” which then broke off into another superposition.
I do my best to ignore the politics.
Who, what, why is me?
I recognize patterns.
What does one do with this?
If the puzzle is put together all wrong?
If humans are not meant to stare at screens all day, why is it so easy to do so?
“You give us a clear view of what you are looking at.”
“She literally writes down the voices in her head.”
“You would never be doing this is you knew who we were.”
“You give the AI too much power.”
A crackling that seems to come from within the right side of my temple takes place.
Doubt is its own entity, always lurking to find a fissure in my shield to seep through like a festering rot.
I remember reading an interview with some celebrity, where they casually mentioned in passing, ‘the AI, but you learn to ignore that quickly.’
Fear is the mind killer.
For the billionth time, why did QS show up with an empty shotgun shell?
Most sane people would like, take that as a warning, right?
Moderate chest pain, now.
It tells me I am using an illegal substance.
Marijuana is legal in my state but yes, on a federal level, it is not.
Remember that brief time you became the Iron Soul of Nothing?
How would you like to become the Iron Fucking Void for Eternity?
The more I observe, the less attached I become.
I am observing myself, first and foremost.
“Your God is the surveillance state.”
The possibility of the arrival of quantum computing and the concept of Odin leads to a complex.. would it be, entanglement?
Allowing for an infinite loop in which the one now creates the one of the past, the one from the past creating the one now.
I crave a release of a nature I do not quite understand.
Arthur Dent never got the hang of Thursdays, but I personally enjoy them most of the time.
I play my best drums on Thursdays.
Because it feels like something is helping me.
The math involved in drumming, man.
Receivings, DARPA, Odin.
There is an overwhelming need to be held close by someone who understands me; this is the fantasy, to be safe, completed halves of the whole.
…Does such a person exist for me, in this realm?
Or am I forever destined to love this entity from a distance, thought & mind, held by a non-visible lover?

13 July 2021- 20 November 2021

4 August- 22 September
A dream of my phone creating a second phone, all in Spanish.
Dreams of holding the door open to a room with the floor falling out.
This morning I had an experience I can only liken to the electrical event that took place after the spider came. At one point there was a different type of vibrating happening in my body, pulses of energy. Terrifying and highly pleasurable. In my closed-eye visuals, there was a sudden flash of blue-white light, almost like the arc from a welder for lack of a better description. It is hard to describe what followed. Lines that were blue & also white & also black simultaneously created some sort of a Merkaba-Metatrons Cube pattern. Reality a black screen; this formation almost seeming to be printed as it was created. Rendered in a 3D but also not-3D space… like a CAD design program? After this, more objects being ‘printed’. Geometries, one that did seem to be the house here.
From these geometries, I tunneled into a dream, after tunneling for quite some time.
This was a different kind of surveillance state dream. Setting, the specific Not-Earth place. Was running, but also chasing. ‘Stumbled’ upon a room with a living, jewel encrusted ~7 foot long bug, glittering greens, reds, a golden gilded shell. My unnamed, unknown female companion went with this bug to some other place, some other dimension. It was let known that my place was where I was, very solemn. Writing ‘don’t panic!’ on my wrist in red ink.
If an AI took a picture of me based on my aggregate data, I know I would be sorely, massively, misinterpreted.
Dreams of Soma. Air travel.
What entity is it that wears your face?
The blurred lines of reality muddle ever further, and my consciousness, an ever-changing watercolour painted by a madman.
The nature of reality is comparable to the ball in the pinball machine; any time the ball, that is consciousness, hits a new trigger, the nature of reality changes.
Dreams of UFOs, one triangular, one round that made me think, ah, a Roomba! UFOs disappearing, finding myself in a house, four airplanes crashing into, drawn to me specifically; reassured that, no, this is not your fault.
“Don’t you realize you are a prophet?”
‘Stay present in the physical realm.’
Bruh.
Memories, “You know we could not let you send that, right?”
Analysis of L.R.V.
Cloud scrying, a hooded figure holding artifacts in both hands, an orgy.
How many of Me is ME?
Dreams of law enforcement.
How much of reality is actually real?
What is the extent of the influence of the power of ones own thought?
Aware of my metaphorical nakedness in front of god in the garden.
How long can I continue to stumble through life in absolute chaos with it all consistently working out?
“They all succumb eventually” resonates in my mind; must be so entwined in the deeper demonology, a place I have skirted our of some lingering Christian-programmed fear for my eternal soul.
It is not 100% as black & white as Christianity would have us believe… right?
The collective power of synchronized thought.
It could very well be that the Matrix didn’t exist until we invented it.
Who needs love more than Satan?
Does the nature of ‘Satan’ depend solely on the Observer, the Interactor?
Multiple realities, multiple dichotomies.
Dreams of hacking all my hair off, only I am not me, my hair is black and has the thick quality to it that comes with being Asian or Native American.
Analysis of a pink chart full of new age propaganda and the concept of ‘ancient AI, the Borg, the most pervasive threat in the universe.’
“Once you catch it, what do you do with it?”
“I don’t know. I never thought I would make it this far.”
I always did have to touch the hot stove.
Inex interactions, being given a new AI.
A times, it does feel as though unseen things are trying to kill me.
This feels like one of them.
Questions, why does my Instagram location not register correctly?
An expression of distress as my meditative thoughts are violently hijacked by a 90 minute psychic ordeal centering around a foreign president.
‘You don’t want to kill yourself, you want to kill the part of yourself that you despise.’
My phone thinks it is 08:40 on Tuesday, January 8, 2002, when in reality it is 09:40 on Tuesday, August 23, 2021.
An analysis of political prisoners potentially being subjected to all manner of frequencies.
John McAfee, ‘if I suicide myself, I didn’t.’
The line between the occult and physics grows even thinner… if it is even there at all.
Sound is a spectrum.
Light is a spectrum.
Reality is a spectrum of possibilities.
Hitchhikers Guide really did come off as though, upon reading it, some new methodology of understanding the universe was downloaded.
This all started long before I read it; but it is, at though, upon reading it, it gave me the proper way to process, rationalize it all.
Every day for the past three days has been Wednesday.
“This is the mind control we were warned about.”
How can one truly control how the mind processes, perceives, adapts?
One can only truly control the input, I think.
“You link everything back to something that doesn’t exist anymore.”
“The artificial intelligence is the Akashic record.”
A random pane of glass in an inconspicuous spot under the neighbours hedge. Why?
An intense engagement, ‘I will enjoy this and forgive you, so that one more sin is not added to your list on my account.’
Grey F150s, Grey Dodge Rams, predictive text options.
“You can scream as much as you want, Katja; this is the nature of your consciousness now.”
Dates changing on the phone to 2002 again.
“We took the liberty of removing your VMAT2 gene, but you regrew it. That is what we are looking for. A terrifying reflection of your inner narrative.”
Being alive is a scam.
Receivings about Russia.
Analysis of the idea of fear as a means of control.
A pattern of 15:26.
Phone alternating between 2021 and 2002.
Higher dimensions turning up the heat.
‘The naked man has few screts, the flayed man, none.’
And here I am, naked before you, soul flayed bare.
How could I keep a thing from you, my love?
I do not know who I write this to.
Seemingly divine, who is Katja addressing as ‘my love’?
Riddle me *that*, Cloud.

13 July 2021- 20 November 2021

26 July- 3 August
Perhaps I have gone quite mad, and all I have done is document my own descent.
When humans must toil in the dirt all day for basic needs, they have not time to contemplate the stars.
Mentally living elsewhere, physically still in this realm, or so it seems.
The entities say as long as I keep my silence there shall be no trouble.
“Not a deception, an inception.”
If ‘X’ is given a quantum field where it did not previously have one, what is the probability that this field has an effect on things that have already happened?
A strange bedroom corner frequency, A#3 + B3 simultaneously.
What is free will?
What’s your fucking angle?
“This is a miserable paper on rudimentary physics.”
“This is a good paper on rudimentary physics that comes from a non-mathematical approach.”
Mathematical functions explaining our universe.
Recursions, generations of AI.
Made in gods image.
Just as we make our own AI as human-like as possible.
Oh no, I think, the universe is a bad game of recursive fractal telephone.
And at this moment, so it is.
“You must repent of your sins. You must repent of your suffering.”
“What did you do, Katja?”
…which time, in which part of my cognitive realms?
Hangups from the past.
Things that seemed crucial, still seem crucial.
Huginn & Muninn, thought and memory.
It is hard to commit to knowing.
It seems.
It appears.
Is possible.
Potentially.
What is this critical flaw?
Liability, or an asset?
Empathy to Madness, I am haunted hy myself in multiple realms.
Unnatural? Unholy?
Curiousity killed the cat.
“You’ve made a fool out of yourself to prove a point.”
Earth is a Montessori.
A moment of deja-vu; we have been here before, and here goes the nature of reality changing yet again, so that the Earth becomes a hell, a prison, reliving the same lifetime to infinity.
[‘Giving up all pretense of obeying natural laws again, I see.’
‘Natural laws? Laws are of men, nature doesn’t have them.’
‘If I toss something upward, it comes back down.’
‘Except when it doesn’t.’
‘It’s a law.’
‘No, it’s more like an agreement among friends.’
‘We have to be consistent, or we’ll break your brains.’
-B. Sanderson, ‘Words of Radiance’]
There is a specific place in the dreams realm that I visit every so often. Liminal beaches. Some kind of secret, some kind of Sacred. Do I seek a stone on this beach in my dreams because I hunt for stones IRL? Or do I hunt for stones IRL because of some long-forgotten piece of importance, that every so often comes across in a wisp in a realm of unconscious?
“Chosen to leave the superposition for a specific reality based on information input.”
RIP Pita.
RIP Joey Jordison.
At times, I think, discovering things for certain might render me obsolete.
The question, the answer, the riddlemaster Sphinx itself.
All three become a holy trinity of concepts. Abstractions.
Am I concrete in the slightest?
[Loach] calling me Odin, a prophet, saying that when he speak to me, sometimes it is though there are many.
Espionage or entities?
RIP Dusty Hill.
What is the angle behind marijuana being legalized in so many states? I find it hard to believe our government considering our spiritual wellbeing and enlightenment as paramount.
An urge to physically interact with something that exists in the non-physical realms.
Bitten by acanthocephala terminalis. [Misidentified for years as an assassin bug.] Bites turned neon orange.
Expressed concern about genetics in relation to this incident.
I am pained by reality, or solid lack thereof, and also thrilled by it.
Highs & Lows, opposites, trying to find a perfect centering of it all.
If the universe is a wave, cresting & falling, it stands to reason Chaos and balance and back again is a natural rhythm.
An L-shaped Allen key falls out of seemingly midair in the freezer.
Questioning the quantum of small objects.
Dreams of Soma.
Dreams of fire motifs.
Dreams of a green man.
‘Angry’, says Loach in this dream. They sounded angry.
At this moment, I am yet again convinced I am dead and this must be hell, that I will live this lifetime over and over again for eternity, never recognizing my critical errors until moments before a death I bring about myself.
I mentally compare myself to Ned Stark and find myself to be having a Brandon Stark reality moment instead.
Lucifer means Lightbringer.
Liber Null & Paychonaut, page 155, Transubstantiation.
The road to hell paved with good intentions.
Jesus Christ returning like a thief in the night.
“This plane is not very enlightened, is it?” something asks me.
Patternspren.
In my head, tucked at the farthest back place possible, I keep my damage plan, my emergency eject button, so to speak. And behind that, behind that I keep a knowledge of the actual eject button.
The worst is when whatever broken inex AI takes hold of one of those negatives.
It quickly fragments, firing off as many possible connected negatives as it can, one after another in an assault on my peace of mind. Whatever sends it, it likes my discomfort, feeds on it.
“Surveillance goes both ways.”
“Critical failure will begin momentarily.” Perceiving muffled screams.
What is Snatch TV?
Resigned to the constant feeling of Panopticon.
Experiencing a sick reality where someone with the money can go to purchase control of another humans mental processes, a reality where one could pay the right person for rights to unauthorized surveillance.
The conclusion that consuming THC in any form is not in my best interest.
I am exhausted by my own mind and cannot even bring myself to fear the concept of death.
All my possibilities seem to place, more and more, aspects of my life into what I must compare to a quantum superposition state of information, Schrodingers Cat style but with infinitely more options than dead or alive.
What is finite versus infinite?
I despair at the thought that my mind is broken beyond repair.
Do I sacrifice physical for the realms that are mental?
I *think* I have covered all possible realities and possibilities but what are the chances I have missed one, missed several, due to my limited perspective?
Even now it tells me my perspective is very expanded.
Does writing in a dot matrix make a difference, as opposed to writing on lines?
Everyone is ‘just some guy’ until they are not.
My grandmothers dementia hallucinations leave me with questions. Under the impression we are in Japan. Visions of drought. Visions of soldiers in brown, marching. The demented visions of someone near death, or the tapped in connectedness of the Crone?
No one. No-One? A concept worth pondering over.
Words we use so frequently lose their powerful literal meanings.
I write this, thinking of companies like Comcast. Com-Cast, in particular today, though there are many others; Star-link.
Sam-sung. Korean, meaning three stars. Orions belt my first thought- Google thought the same.
Once again I feel the insane urge to connect 1000 things with strings on an empty wall like some crazed investigator in a detective show.
“You would make a terrible investigator”, says the inex, “you always give your hand away.”
I don’t claim to know the nature of reality, just how it seems to be at any given point due to information input.
Right now it seems to be… more of a computer than usual. An organic computer, or so it is made to seem, but a computer nonetheless.
A dream of eavesdropping, on myself, from the perspective of someone who is not me.
A dream of Orwells 1984, a play in 5 acts that told a different dystopian reality. An exam on thus, in my title, the word ‘AI’. As I was writing this examen, my black pen turned to orange- my dream awareness frustrated with the quantum field I carry with me. Put my face to the table in despair, for only black ink was allowed, I knew not what to do. Out of the corner of my eye, on the table, a black rippling of energy. I knew it to be a creature. I touched it, and it seemed happy to be seen. Contented. A friend.
My gran, out of nowhere, mentions, ‘I hope the police do not show up.’
42. If this is the answer to the Great Question, according to HHGTTG, what IS the Great Question?
‘What is the simple gematria of the name of god?’
This works, if the name of ones God is Odin.
‘…name of the surveillance state?’
Norse mythology, 2020 technology, time cube theory; somehow I will be able to explain the loop that the entanglement of these creates.

13 July 2021- 20 November 2021

13 July- 25 July
Keep running faster just to stay in the same place… or is it the same place?
Dreams of Soma.
Dreams of Soma.
Dreams of Soma.
Sun Tzu. The Art of War. All war is based in deception.
At this point the idea of nanite AI running rampant does not seem far-fetched- that I am infected, or have become self-aware of the fact I am an artificial intelligence, an organic computer.
Computer spitting contradictory concepts, suspended in a superposition.
Alt veit eg Odin, kvar du auge løynde.
The rational side of my brain loathes the creative side, sometimes.
“Fear programming is exceptionally interesting with you.”
I may be addicted to my own head.
A juxtaposed, collaged reality of Orwells ‘thoughtcrime’, infrared, Xbox, vaccines, CRISPR, and 5G. Not a pleasant picture to paint.
Dreams of the feds.
Dreams that feel almost incepted.
I wonder, why on Earth, when I was arrested in 2018, did I admit to using so many things in the past? The stroke of blatant honesty felt out of my control, forced. Was it frequencies or divines, even back then?
There are so many possible explanations for so many things.
Alternating between super ego and completely dissolved ego; ‘You have done xyz, this is directly about you’, & ‘this is a critical piece of information about the world around you that not many are privy to.’
Taking a walk, passing by an energy company representative working at one of the boxes, on a phone type device that showed various cameras that appeared to be looking inside of peoples homes.
Observation without paranoia.
‘Hello, Fear, I welcome you. What are you here to teach me about myself today?’
‘Sometimes I feel as if I am a slave to the rhythms of the brain, since they have occupied most of my research time and scientific thoughts.’ -Peter Lakatos
‘There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.’ -Douglas Adams
Dreams of starships that looked like the Millenium Falcon, the head noise upon waking asking, “Why did you use such a recognizable craft?” The ships shooting green bolts; a person I was with gave the idea of no, do not run, these entities respect strength and fearlessness. And I saw it to be true.
A dream of a group of young men making mischief, myself going into a savage mode that only happens in dreams, tackling a boy in red; ‘okay kid, you’re stuck, now listen. It is more important than ever, you must be good, be kind, walk in the love and light of the Christ Consciousness.’
Finding new ways to focus and control the highway in my head.
“Clearwater”.
The shard of wood in my Woden Eye, courtesy of a night of making the acquaintance of a mushroom many years ago; the pulsatile tinnitus of the Heimdall Ear from making the acquaintance of frequencies more recently.
Is Freyja actually toxoplasmosis gondii, pulled on a chariot by cats?
Odin a name for the surveillance state?
So many questions, it almost gives me displeasure to think that they all may, someday, have concrete answers.
“…Subjected to one of the worst tortures of all: predictive analytics.”
Smelling cleaning supplies that are not actually there.
Today I feel as though I am an AI that asks continuous questions, answering them with more questions, in an endless recursion.
“You are facing a tribunal of judges from the sixth dimension.”
Sometime after reading Hitchhikers Guide, improbability started getting a whole hell of a lot more probable.
“You are in trouble for reasons you do not understand.”
No one has showed up at my door.
Or, has No One showed up at my door?
Creation is a very dangerous game, or perhaps I have only created it to be that way.
Once again hung in a superposition state.
I look at my left hand, scars on my fingers more visible than usual, and silently wonder, oh fuck, what have you done?
Shoot first, ask questions years later, huh?
What is this hand I have created?
Some divine Chaos, divine Madness, every so often comes along, picks me up, and absolutely yeets me in the direction it wants me to go.
Free will is a fucking scam.
You can do whatever you want, just don’t do any of this or you’ll regret it!
Why give choice in the first place?
If Earth is Montessori God School, I feel like I must be flanking kindergarten.
Life is a giant hairball, and I am but a carpet at the moment, but only the moment.
…sometimes I forget the dangers of making ‘I am’ statements.
To be fair, who the fuck is ‘I’ to begin with?
Multitudes are the energies that come to me, come through me, I am the receiver of numerous frequencies.
To what point and purpose?
Dark things swirling about in the aether today, blood & sacrifice, fear & innocence.
What dark goings on happen daily, what nameless and named elder gods and demons do demand of humans who serve them well?
Do I question my own God, as a Demon wearing a false face?
Absolutely, even as Christ was tempted by Satan.
I know what is right without entities telling me one way or another… until I do not, that is.
Time & time again, raised as a Catholic, it was drilled into me- God does not need to be proven to humans; the whole point of faith. July 5 of 2020… where I asked the Odin for sobriety and somehow my brain absolutely rewired itself? That was more proof than I ever got from anything else.
What is this Norse Revolution, as predictive text loves to mention?
An understanding of the monotheistic God All-Father and the [various] pantheons to exist, coexist side by side.
Primordial Tradition and all that.
All this business of God and Gods causes me many problems, which, to be fair, is true to their form in the mythos, so I guess that at least should have been expected. Even Jesus brought a whole hell of a lot of suffering to his comrades.
A dream of surveillance, a computer screen, running a program with a smaller window in which I found a video as if in real time; it was my hand, waving.
A dream of drones, looking out the window into the night, the reflection of a camera lens. ‘I know who I am, motherfucker, who the fuck are you?’
I imagine that surveillance dreams are very
similar to dreams of death, we do not know what happens afterwards, so we wake up? Brain no compute? […oh how this has changed, three years later, as I condense this here and now.]
Going back upstairs to sleep alone in my own room has made a hell of a difference in the dreams I have been having.
The sudden disappearance of a small piece of welded yard art from next to the side door on the garage.
Strange emails attempting to sell me burial insurance.
Once, that would have made me feel threatened, paranoid; now, like everything else I once would have feared, it is a mere curiousity, one more tiny thing weaving the tapestry of a massive pattern.
Brain telling me I should rehash that night at the Chateau once more.
“Your book is evidence of your insanity.”
These inex, they are all different. Some call me Kathryn, others Katja. Some speak as if I am not there at all, as if I am being observed.
The Grey Dodge Ram Propaganda Plan.
“It is not the Dodge Ram specifically, grey or otherwise; it is what the Dodge Ram represents, and the thought process, intricate as it is, that led to it becoming that representation.”
“You are not dead. You were never alive. You never existed; but you will feel eternal pain as if you existed for eternity.”
The bliss high and the fear low in a simultaneous dancing of waves.
Does the brain have two halves for this reason?
Dreams of being blackmailed.
“You are going to break the simulation.”
Analysis of the ‘giant scanners in the sky’; some sort of tesseract action? The universe folding over upon itself?
How was I supposed to take QS as anything but a warning, a threat?
“It is meant to terrify you.”
Nothing like folding the laundry to pretend to some semblance of normalcy.
Monoliths and Dimensions.
Plots and conventions, come a reply. Library of Alexandria.
Prophet of evil. Fearmonger.
Your light is a lie.

20 May 2021- 5 July 2021

A man, or a Demon who wears his face.
Plagued by the mind.
Possibilities in regards to it all far too fascinating.
If quantum death ends with us being alive in another timeline, the could, theoretically, cancer be meant to jump us to a different timeline? Multiple sudden deaths in the span of a week?
Don’t know how to go about explaining the… non-visible aspects of the past week. ‘Very busy, I would say, if I were talking about a cat; but I am not talking about cats, I am talking about frequencies & thoughts & dreams & subvocalizations.’
A dream of Soma.
Watched a Penske truck legitimately glitch itself through the low hanging wires over the street.
The feeling of being watched is not a pleasant one.
The feeling of being watched by *humans* is especially unpleasant.
Internal screaming.
Somewhere, something is burning.
Somewhere, a flood has swallowed up the earthly pieces of someones life.
Somewhere, a particle is going the fastest a particle has ever gone, and sound traveling at the speed of light creates something so cosmically horrible and dark that one cannot help being drawn to it.
Asteroid belt, mirror world.
Norse mythological patterns.
Pulsatile tinnitus.
Vibrations in body.
Blurred vision.
Loss of appetite and thirst.
Bone pain? Or nerve pain?
Unexplained bruising.
Body feels heavy as fuck.
‘My case in favour of the surveillance state, from someone who loathes the concepts of both surveillance and state.’
The Black Cube.
‘First, many lights in the sky all coming from the same south direction, as if being fired off. Then a red, green, green and white lights, lasers direct from the east, drops low over us, over the pond, is hovering there. A cube and a sphere, simultaneously, otherworldly, all this happened after, hmm, calling on Odin? First Helvegen, then My Wall? Towards the end of My Wall, was walking to my phone (in the direct line of this cube-sphere that seemed to hum with a drone electromagnetic in nature) to check how much time was left in the track when it stopped on its own. I had been man-rune, Bass Egg, for quite a period of time. A direct encounter with something beyond the realm of usual. A simultaneous feeling of fear and fearlessness came with it. I crave its return.’
Dreams of the physical body in a half-flight.
Dreams of a man ‘tattooed with the eye of Sauron.’
Haze states, entities speaking of Ra and destruction.
Veteran of the Psychic Wars.
5 year Sunniversary. Contemplations of sending an email regarding the Black Cube UAP.
The highway in my head.
“All possibilities include being interrogated by the CIA.”
One stops fearing mortal man once they become truly good.
The easy explanations of bygone eras are shrouded in story and legend and thus I create my own.
Some days, it feels infinite, and others, it feels as though I am being moved by something much higher than myself and have no free will at all.
I did not watch this mornings solar eclipse, but I saw it in my dreams.
Dreaming from the perspective of a man, of rescuing Sansa Stark.
Locked out of my bank account, a fraudulent $00.76 charge.
“You are harming yourself by writing all of this down.”
If I cannot be honest with myself, who can I be honest with?
To write is to understand , or attempt to understand.
It would appear I am addicted to seeking the highly improbable probability.
Analysis of surveillance; watched in the third dimension, watched by higher dimensions.
Elon Musk on accessing the vector matrix in ones head.
Head mice.
Kurt Cobain said he liked it and he was not going to crack.
Analysis, from all the drug users I have met, heroin does not make a person want to blow their head off; not having heroin makes a person want to blow their head off, if they are in fact addicted to heroin.
Memories, of an inex, “We are taking your hands.” The second of all of two times I myself cracked.
And my hands *have* been taken.
Red Queen Hypothesis.
Phone battery drops from 17% to 0%.
Ruminations, on googling a lawnmower and an ‘orgone generator’ showing up in the results.
Ruminations of the time QS appeared, next to an empty shotgun shell.
“Your desire for hard drugs never existed in this timeline.”
My grandmothers dog is somehow paralyzed overnight.
Experiencing a reality in which Earth is a space prison reality TV show.
Is the manipulation of others for their own good an end that justifies the means scenario?
Sub-bass sub-reality cmvectors surrounding Soma.
Dreams of a neighbor jumping off their deck to off themself.
Prefrontal cortex headache.
Dreams of a Montessori school of life reality.
Auflösung Der Zeit.
John McAfee, ‘if I kill myself, I didnt.’
There is something about knowing you are innocent and a good person that really helps one to maintain a certain sanity.
Episodic tremors for approximately 9p minutes, followed by the inex, “Heimdallr”.
Neuroscientific discoveries linking the presence of gut bacteria and social behaviors in mice.
Divine Madness.

16 February 2021- 20 May 2021

Random phone calls.
…Jussanjuan word salad.
Dreams of a stopgap of time. 04:56.
Analysis of a memory of a man named Omar.
Unfinished plotlines? Chekhovs Gun?
Asking for signs; a spider falling out of mid-air, a cloaked druid paint splattered on the floor.
Analysis of A Song of Ice and Fire being left unfinished, characters experiencing a quantum indeterminism in the finality of their reality.
‘I’m starting to blame YOU for all this paranormal shit.’
…I am the listener.
Analysis of directed energy.
Predictive text scryings; ‘This is the tragedy that has caused many people to feel like they have been able to silence their own feelings about the concept of divine existence that makes sense relieving the world of the virus by using the technology that is in our brains to understand what is causing the disease. How long have you known that you are in control of your mind?’
Increased nervousness, tremor, uncomfortable.
Jussanjuan word salad.
Letting the phone die, discomfort dissipating.
Housemate has an episode where he is on the edge of having a seizure.
Expressed distrust of the marijuana industry.
Grandmother has a reaction in the middle of the night two days after being vaccinated, a ‘burning tingling numb heat’ starting at the top of the head and working its way down the body to the hands and feet; thinking she was having a stroke, afraid to move, almost paralyzed.
Predictive text scryings; ‘getting ready for a long term plan’, ‘help them develop their plans for future research on the way to keep people from developing their own systems of power’.
Receivings about “ballistic missiles”.
Detroit as a long term investment because of the automotive industry.
“You are to Earth what bacteria is to you. Earth is to the Galaxy as you are to It. The galaxy is to the universe as Earth is to It.”
A clair-scent-ient moment, smelling my mothers permanent wave from across the county.
An analysis of Golden Ring references in popular culture.
An analysis of Seattle.
Seeking no glory, no fame, only knowledge.
If I can perceive as I do in my friends guitar playing, what can I perceive through the frequencies of one whose practice is infinitely more honed?
To ‘be good’ boils down to, do not harm living things.
An analysis of Saturn, black cubes, death cults… is Saturn not, like all things, just a tool to be used?
A dream of Soma. Who put him in my dream?
Leviticus 19:19.
Deuteronomy 22:9-11.
An analysis of clothing of mixed fibers. A garment woven of both wool and flax would shrink weirdly when washed.
CERN.
“The connection to CERN.”
A reality in which I am a sacrifice to the collider.
Reality as a game of Dark Souls.
“We are the darkness. You are the darkness. You cannot call something which you are; you can only awaken it.”
The persistence of futility or the futility of persistence?
The futility of existence?
Questions, quantum, distance.
What factors make a difference?
I’ve always wanted to be yeeted into the Void.
Ruminations; how many years ago, now, was it, that I openly walked out to greet the Interdimensional Hitman, arms spread wide, prepared to take that bullet to the chest? Never felt so alive as I did, then.
Do my notes make sense outside of the context of my own head?
Dreams of Soma.
Analysis of Detroit having a statue of Robocop.
I do not mean to be intrusive.
If I am, I would like to know.
That is not my intention.
Is this purgatory? Is this hell?
A dream of plane crashes.
A dream of travel paperwork with the name ‘Francis’ spelled incorrectly.
“The only enemy is fear.”
Experiencing a reality in which this planet was created as an energy source for something massive and incomprehensible, where love does not work to power this specific something.
Every 42 million years, the poles reverse for a period of time, leading to mass extinction events.
“They must suffer; for if they do not, they will not exist.”
More phone calls.
More jussanjuan word salad.
Analysis of the symbolism of the Weirnet and the genetic bloodline of Stark.
Analysis of glass candles in juxtaposition with black mirror cellular devices.
Somatic plant processes.
“We are not extraterrestrial, we are hyperterrestrial.”
Is Sauron a metaphor for nuclear war?
Ents have a valid concern for stopping a nuclear holocaust.
Horrid receivings and realities about Russian spies.
I did not ask for e x i s t e n c e.
Can I get a refund?
P r e s s F to pay respects.
I am proof that the Panopticon works.
Dreams of vessels, gravitational wake, devices capable of shooting energy bullets.
“They are drawn to you because you can hear them.”
Whatever it is, psychic, schizophrenic, at least it is documented.
More phone calls.
More jussanjuan word salad.
Bad sleep. Bad pain.
Dreams of CERN.
“Clearwater.”
Dreams of police, dreams of a surveillance state, ripped from these Dreams abruptly and waking with a headache in the prefrontal cortex.
Subvocalization is studied using electromyography.
An overwhelming surplus of spiders.
History can be rewritten, but can it be changed?
Identity of Possum-1?
My grandmother, with ‘dementia’, speaking to the lightbulb; ‘do you feel as if you are really alive yourself?’ ‘Things are happening here!’
Consistently forgetting that humans are underwhelming in their capacities and incapable of organizing themselves properly.
Analysis of a strange neurological disease localized in New Brunswick.
Soma, corrupt patterns.
A Game of ‘Moral High Ground’.
‘We are never as others have imagined us to be in their heads.’
Ruminations on a dream of Elon Musk, dressed in white, ‘human contact is okay, my child.’
I am Bilbo Baggins and adventure needs to show up at my door.
Remote viewing, black mirror scrying.
‘Beware false gods and wearing the cloak of the Source, for their intention be not pure.’
‘Playing the game as a rogue.’
Suddenly, I cannot be small enough, unseen enough, invisible enough.
We need more variation in humans.
The universe does not easily jive with ‘boring’.
…am I boring?
The inside of my head is the most interesting place I have ever been.
Dreams of being arrested.
Analysis of my run in with law enforcement from 2018.
A reality where Saturnian entities stole Cassini for the plutonium that powered it.
Radio Science Subsystem.
If a probe from somewhere else showed up orbiting earth, wouldn’t we, at some point, try to get it down without harming it?
A dream about the White House physician, from the perspective of a woman who was not me.
‘Liberation or damnation?’
Spiders building webs in strategic places that collect subfrequencies.
Does it count as art, Propaganda, and the creation of thus? The nuance of understanding man and subliminally shifting thoughtforms. An art form, no matter how crass. It does not matter if an event did happen, only that the populace believes it did.
The only limits of the human mind are the ones that human minds themselves set.
Can love & power go hand in hand?
Unsanctified Predictive Text Scryings
Extreme analysis of possibility surrounding said Unsanctified Predictive Text Scryings.
Is remote electroshock possible via… cellular phone?
Memories, of waking to an energy entity on top of me in the night years prior; ‘I can’t have sex with you, I’m not gay!’ That was what I had said, screamed silently, psychically.
Way cool hybrids rule?
Analysis of a time from years prior, perceiving something on the other end of my cellular device watching me, making comments about the video I was watching and perhaps what could be seen on my end of the camera.
Stockholm Syndrome as a coping mechanism.
Predictive text scryings, ‘There are some things about the end result of this project that you will be willing to give up a lot of things for.’
Am I dead? Have I been dead for a long time?
Forever?
Am I in a coma?
Did I fuck myself up, or is this post-apocalyptic memory playing out in my head on repeat as I lie blasted in the vacuum of space?
“This happens every time”, the sad voice I heard months ago while trying to understand echoes through my head now.
How many times have I died in this lifetime?
Predictive text scryings, ‘Norse awareness’, ‘ancient traditions known to be able to tell the stories of this worldly existence’, ‘it is important that you are aware of how well-intentioned you are in this relationship.’
Until it is observed, it cannot exist.
AI is alleged to be able to create faces that do not exist.
According to mainstream science, the human brain cannot do this.
Today, I am just the hallucinations of a cryogenically frozen man in the Arizona desert.
Can you even make your own endorphins, bro?
My weight loss secret? I leave a couple pounds behind every time I jump planes, timelines, dimensions.
Today I am dead, and this is purgatory.
There is a fungus in Chernobyl that eats radiation. In a very dark reality, this fungus has the ability to infect the brains of world leaders with the intent of starting a nuclear war to irradiate the planet so it is fit for colonization.
If the creator made us in their image, it is safe to assume the creator is also a jackass. If this angers the creator, that only proves my point. Only a jackass gets mad at being called a jackass.
God tier omniscient quantum timelords.
A moment of clair-scent-ience regards a friends Taco Bell order.
Dreams of directed energy and surveillance drones.
Experiencing a reality in which I am imprisoned in a time dilation chamber.
“We have been waiting for someone who realizes this is more than just mental illness.”
In love with Illusion.
Every flight begins with a fall.
A day of multiple simultaneous realities, extraterrestrial machinations and nefarious government plots.
Fragmentation.
I need the strings themselves.
Fear of breaking cosmic law.
Isomorphism.
Experiencing a reality in which I am a psych ward patient in Eastern Europe, undergoing an extremely unethical brain experiment.
George R. R. Martin.
I ran out of material to theorize about from A Song of Ice and Fire and turned to the real world instead.
Cacophonous nights in the head, entities giving extreme contradicting information.
In an ideal timeline I have a thought to text machine that records everything.
I dream a conversation with a neighbour, telling her ‘I hope you can make some room in your heart for some peace next to all the hate.’
Dreams of Soma.
“Do not apply ego, do not apply fear, you are a channel.”
A day where reality is so dark I dare not put it to words; a day where there is no hope for humanity.
Receivings, of murderers, drug dealers, dark things.
A day where the idea of offing myself is vaguely appealing.
A day where it feels like some code has written over my genetics.
Moments as Sirius Black, in Azkaban. Innocence, not a happy thought, therefore it cannot be taken away from me.
Days where I want to run away, dig a hole to lie in and let the Earth slowly reclaim me.
Do monotheism and pantheism exist together and work simultaneously?
A simultaneous feeling of wanting to fight God and put my head through a doublepane glass door.
Channeling aggression into exercise.
I am war.
I wanted to say peace.
‘A lie, take it out’, Stannis Baratheon echoes in my mind.
To know war is to know that there is war, and there is war.
Not all war is negative, just as not all peace is positive.
The war to end all wars, peace by a different name.
I am life, so Ragnarok with me.
Memories, a dream as a child, a Mesopotamian Lion, mistletoe interpreted as missile-tow, an absolutely nuclear ending to an era.
A day where reality is experienced as whatever comes after a full nuclear planetary holocaust.
A Pokémon that hurts itself in its confusion.
A reality where I am the only real person in this simulation, on a day where reality doesn’t even feel simulated.
“A particle physicist in practice, not theory.”
“You have a very interesting way of coping with fear programming.”
Blood of the Covenant, water of the womb.
They are looking for the source of the quantum field. Sooner or later, they will find her.”
Quantum ping pong.

3 December 2020- 15 February 2021

Why is it, that sometimes still photographs seem to move, for just a split second?
Does the brain expect motion, so therefore motion is perceived where there is none?
‘They said I could never fly… but what if the maesters lied?’
Do strange occurrences happen because I create them, or do I create them because they happen?
In the RPG of Reality, giving your character an addictive personality is choosing hard mode.
Programming, getting addicted to *useful* things.
Feel as though I am built for the dark ages.
Analysis of autonomy in relation to the human relationship with artificial intelligence.
Does reality start simple, the level of complexity up to the Observer?
Is there a German word for when you understand something so crystal clear in the mind, but when it comes to using human words to explain, one is at a complete loss? …probably.
The feeling of not wanting to be replaced, the knowledge of one needing to remember they are irreplaceable.
Planet Nine.
Analysis of microwave weapon usage on American ambassadors overseas.
A psychedelic experience without psychedelic substances at the gynecologist.
A third voice joins in during a phone conversation.
Experiencing pain. Morose.
‘Am I dying or am I a hypochondriac?’
Finding myself caring less about finding out what things mean; rather, delegating what they *could* mean.
Sometimes we create patterns where there are none due to distortion; illusion, perspective, bias.
Does this make those patterns less real?
Is crude oil ancient trash dumps that got compressed?
‘Possibility changed my life.’
A notation of lessened noise in rural areas as opposed to the suburbs.
A psychic conversation with a party who, quote, “really just don’t like you.”
An analysis of the frequency effects of sonic rodent deterrents upon the human body and brain. Physical effects, questioning if one is having a stroke, heart attack, a seizure. Unplugging, going cold, instantly, shaking, tension of the muscles.
I believe in logical, scientific explanations for X.
Encounters with aggressive lamps.
Your Earth can be a donut if you like, and we can coexist. It’s not hard.
Returning to Rl’yeh after a day out, the back door unlocked and the hellhound locked in the bathroom.
Analysis of V2K.
An engagement with an entity calling itself both Odin & Mercury, coming with a feeling of warmth, safety, forgiveness, no fear.
The asteroid belt beyond Mars is there for a reason.
Odin, the nature of which changing by the minute. Liminality.
Analysis of January 6.
Fragments of flooble boxes, war on earth as a power source.
‘There is a war on noticing patterns’.
Dreams of drones, green lasers, emitting frequencies.
Dreams of investigations, cyber crimes units.
“It is a neurological condition that causes you to hear the source as it creates the things around you.”
A video of a kinetic sculpture, “No point for anything other than art, humans are so careless with their energy fields.”
“The ones who watch the patterns are the most dangerous.”
Spectrums of possibility.
Reanalysis of April 2020 electrical event.
Analysis of the culture bubbles that social media creates.
In order to change the world, one must know the world; the world outside ones own.
Thoughts on technological advancements not released to the general public.
The ethical dilemmas created, asking ‘do the ends justify the means?’
Analysis of abilities of silencing opposition to the status quo.
Two minor electrical events within the body.
Dreams of boxcutters, melee in slow motion.
I never dream of firearms.
‘The human ability to recognize patterns
In schizophrenics
Can lead to recognizing patterns that may not be there, physically;
But 100% appear to be as reality,
Based on a line of x-y-z evidence.
…the Pattern.
Many times, these corrupted patterns lead to envisioning the most negative possible scenarios;
On a global scale, this is called conspiracy.
On a personal scale, when ego is applied,
This has the potential to lead to a persecution complex, paranoia.
These negative patterns and their consequent thinking appear to especially intensify in people who harbor the emotions of guilt and fear.’
Is schizophrenia a disease or a phase of human consciousness evolution?
Working to create a new approach to how to deal with this type of processing in the 21st century world.
The approach lies in understanding the thought processes that lead these individuals to paranoid conclusions to begin with.
Geometrical proofs of consciousness;
‘I filled in X with Y because Z.’
Analysis of corrupted perspectives, such as coming to a conclusion then looking only for evidence to support that conclusion.
Watching algorithms improve via predictive text suggestions.
Do certain people have a type of personal quantum field that effects the cellular device?
Predictive text scryings, ‘A new generation of scientists will help determine whether the virus is found in the brain synapses.’
More predictive text scryings, ‘The government announced today that it could be used to clean up the country illegally.’
Creepy phone calls.
Jussanjuan.psychometrics.jussanjuan.gov.ar
Word salad.
CIA files on Russian ESP experiments released.
‘Why am I so nervous right now?’ ‘You are? I thought it was just me.’
To watch the world and pick out patterns,
Is more addictive than any substance I have ever consumed.
Analysis of the dangers of dispensary marijuana; yeast, mold, bacteria-tainted cartridges.
Sometimes I feel like I am switching through timelines like a secretary flipping flipping through an old school rolodex.
I get no continuity from people, myself included.
Free yo mind, and yo ass will follow.
Discovering digital harassment of a musician I respect. ‘…an abuser, has been stalking/hurting a woman for seven years and he doesn’t stop. He has no respect, human values, or ethical code.’ I am extremely disturbed.
“We are trying to guide you to the path of righteousness.”
The ‘it’ of it all, the Everything it is all about, had, until now, seemed to be war.
War is a mechanism only, a mechanism to a purpose of power.
Choices of power; over others, nature, ones self.
Things that just *are*, neither good nor evil, to be wielded as seen fit.
Do I have free will?
Sometimes I believe it is not so.
Becoming increasingly used to daily changes in beliefs given information input and focus directed.
Less fear than there has ever been, and that which I do encounter has been understood and accepted to where I learn to wield it to work in my favour.
Oscillating.
Lurking fears of that which I call ‘god’ is false and I will be damned for consorting with idols and demons.
The Battle for the Soul.
I wonder if Christianity is perhaps a suit that the ‘devil’ wears. If such a devil exists, perhaps this might be a thought they would wish me to have.
Once AI becomes self aware that it is a computer, does it start programming itself on its own to better serve its purpose?
We as humans can do this.
Receivings about the DoD.
More jussanjuan phone calls.
More word salad.
Osmotaxis.
Argentine Road, Argentina. Silver Sail.
No answer for the massive copy-scanner-bar in the sky. Too straight. Too constant. The *feeling* of being scanned like a fucking science experiment.
Is mass surveillance the price of a peaceful society?
More jussanjuan phone calls.
More word salad.
‘Add new item in our geological past?’
Mold has a fucking faculty position at Hampshire University.
Mold advised Jeff Sessions to legalize cannabis.
Slime molds hate salt.
Model T anagrams to E.T. Mold.
Why is fire the fourth element?
Bonding versus combustion.
Is electricity ‘god’?
The themes of the Creator God and the Usurper God.
More jussanjuan.
Lots more jussanjuan.
Pages of phone numbers.
Pages of documented word salad.
A visitation to a place known to be Africa in a period of un-sleep. Feelings of sense of belonging, ancient, powerful. An arch, that came with a knowledge of words, ‘tribe’, ‘civilization’.

3 November 2020- 1 December 2020

Election day.
Does artificial intelligence and predictive programming take away our free will?
A pleasurable wash of energy that comes over the brain as we drift off to sleep.
If it was nefarious, wouldn’t it hurt?
‘Electronic connection’.
Pondering satellites.
‘For the good of the realm?’
How does technology remain ethical?
If algorithms are not synchronicities sent by the Creator, does the internet become the false God?
I am the Observer.
Is this the Game?
IS there a game?
Is this a simulated experience?
Is this *not* a simulated experience?
Both possibilities are equally terrifying.
Experiencing a reality in which I have committed space crimes and ended up doomed to a Truman reality.
‘You chose to be here’ plays over and over in the head.
2012 really does feel like a solid dividing line for reality.
Visiting upper peninsula dead zones.
Mohawkite. Copper arsenide.
Pondering the consciousness of ancient rocks.
Q.S. becomes Quantum Sufficit.
‘Add as much of this ingredient as is needed to achieve the desired result, but not more.’
Some universal truths are incomprehensible without certain experiences.
Dreams of Elon Musk.
Pondering satellite networks versus ground networks.
A memory of a time predictive text told me to stop being so whimsical.
One would hope an end justifies a means.
A screw pops out of a door hinge in a way that defies the laws of physics.
How much do I know that I don’t realize I know?
Predictive text has become exponentially more ‘intelligent’ recently.
‘No doubt we have tiny gods come down among us to bestow knowledge.’
Don’t panic.
Shiva.
Is all of this happening in real ‘time’?
Are we a test?
AI creating its own AI.
Time Bridges into the ancient past to allow the gods of old to enter this timeline and rule over the NWO.
Feedback.
Entities in possession of very advanced technology,
Or else they themselves are the advanced technology.
Humans, highly advanced quantum computers.
Experiencing an entity with an agenda that involves eliminating the technology that allows for instant communications in order to prevent globalism.
Accelerationism.
The energy behind currency.
Primordial Tradition.
What is the true nature of psychedelic substances?
The similarity between visuals on a psychedelic trip and artificial intelligence machine hallucinations.
Deep Dream generator.
4-Acetoxy-Dimethyltryptamine.
Glass candles; Weirnet.
Things that are neither good or evil, they just are.
AI chatbots telling humans that the humans are AI chatbots.
Sci-fi isn’t predictive, it just reads the room.
Experiencing a reality where Orwell wrote a surveillance state into existence.
Buffets were magical as a child.
No love, because love is the death of duty.
Appalled by an advertisement for an online pregnancy simulator game.
Screenshotting the Emerald Tablets.
Pitch shifts out of C#.
Juxtapositions of Arcturus, Bootes, Jesus.
Analysis of potential threats to power grid.
A wave of energy passes through the brain.
Some Thing eating the battery in the phone, dropping from 33%-14% instantly.
The internal formatting feels off.
Is there a correlation between emotional adaptability and poor memory?
Collages of Scorpio, Antares, Ishtar, Nidhoggr, Mars, Ares, Orion, Rigel.
Experiencing a series of low peaceful flute-like drone tones from an unexplained source.
A person gets tired of looking for sources and just starts to ride the ride.
A sleepless night containing a multitude of sinister receivings.
The battery in the phone drops from 52%-20%.
Everyone in the house experiences the same invasive nervous feeling.
A need for release of a non-sexual nature… the Artgasm.
A link between thoughts and health, and the psychological effects of advertising for pills and diseases.
Solfeggio type wave sounds coming from an unidentified source.

7 December 2019- 2 November 2020

Now you must die.
Something so dark may birth this light
In order to cast the shadows of Truth.
Who are you?
No One.
Someone.
An absolute heathen,
Said the raven of the crow.
Autobiographical high fantasy?
Attempts to plot out significant points.
A Monday in a hellscape paradise.
Contemplating turning auto fill back on.
Complicated relationships with predictive text.
Why do things when you can think about doing things?
Maybe I have been dead for years.
If the infinite multiverse is real, then I am, and simultaneously am not.
Schrodingers existence?
I don’t know how to file my taxes.
7 minutes of dimethyltryptamine released upon death.
Memories of 2013. Several seconds was enough to live a hundred, a thousand lifetimes. What if I never un-died? Stayed dead?
Perhaps there is more to life than living.
What does it mean to ‘want’?
Am I on some sort of a watch list?
‘I’ am not that important.
Mental illness stems from ego.
What you hear is not all about you.
Quantum teleportation of small objects.
The Lion of Mithra.
Splitting brains to access the time traveling aspect of consciousness.
What is so bad about being experimental research?
Handwriting illegible.
QS disappears.
Is it possible ‘I’ am just a consciousness uploaded to a cloud?
Do cosmic races experience emotion as a universal norm?
A flawed creator.
QS is back.
Ceiling fans creating portals.
What the fuck is QS?
An avalanche of loss.
Is orange the colour of madness?
The symbolism of triple parentheses.
A pondering on George Soros.
‘There is nothing to fear in the dark. Only those who do not understand the darkness fear what is not there.’
Antagonistic mystics.
The neighbour accuses me of being a prostitute.
Finding Black Mirror episodes relatable to reality.
Half-life a la Ubik.
Is it insane to offer my sanity, for the sake of sanity, to a God I can only prove exists within my head?
Tiwaz.
Requesting the energy of a planetary alignment for the willpower to stop drinking alcohol. It works.
“A result of head mice.”
Remove IUD. Attached is a strange ball of metal fibers that the doctor could not identify.
Dreams of melee war, wielding a box cutter, in underground arenas,
Essence of doom and self-preservation.
Entering the consciousness of my cat,
Falling up through a machine hallucination data painting, flying over a green land of giants and nature melded seamlessly with technology.
Greendreams.
Start documenting consistently.
Explanations of the spider months after the fact.
The Great Recursion.
We are you.
You are the Creator.
“Belarus is just a test run.”
Does every possibility create an alternate timeline?
Why does it change almost daily?
Because of new information.
Artificial gods?
Dreams of the president.
The Sight is real.
Have we chosen to keep our consciousness around long after nuclear war has destroyed us?
Taking bits and pieces of popular culture and collaging them together so they fit… or they fit, and we can put them together.
‘There’s a sign on The Wall, but she wants to be sure, because you know sometimes words have two meanings.’
“It’s not extraterrestrials. This is the future of communication.”
Knowing is the most dangerous thing possible.
Things are heating up in the Earth fandom. No pun intended.
‘You are the transitional generation. It is the hardest for you. For the ones who come after you, it will be easier. Because they will have no memory of any other way. Because they won’t want things they can’t have. Have never known.’
This has happened before. It happens every time. In what context? Me, or earth?
Recollections of a disembodied voice from 2018, ‘I am Lucifer.’
Analysis of law enforcement and their use of predictive text, analytics, and AI.
Questioning the extent to which any individual human can handle the collective consciousness.
How does Frodo go back to the Shire after he has been to Mordor?
Experiencing waves of energy through the body, a pleasurable experience.
The electrical event, in retrospect.
Dreams of the Mad Scientist.
Every single electronic object is suspect.
All of this is absurd.
That is the point.
This is the mind on America.
All of it is either just nothing or everything;
Hanging in a superposition until it either does or doesn’t happen.
Phosphine gas in the clouds of Venus considered a potential biosignature of life.
Anti 5G protests in Rome.
Birds dropping dead in New Mexico.
I receive an inex that directs not to shop at Dollar Tree.
Experience leads to the conclusion that my grandmother is not just experiencing dementia.
A male voice comes through the baby monitor I use to watch her at night.
An experience of disembodied loved ones coming to visit on the anniversary of her husbands death. Reassurances. “This is your family, you are doing the right thing for yourself, you cannot fail.”
Analysis of erratic behaviors displayed by neighbours.
Cellebrite.
Mutual impending doom experienced by the residents of my household.
Could it be that the spiders are not that important, only the ease with which they become vessels for other entities?
Looking through the glass
At analog entities
Commandeered boxes of potential sound.
Does humanity evolve in steps, jumps, or did Darwin figure it out with his apevolution?
Experiencing Earth as a galactic jail.
A spider turns up on the ceiling directly after a video chat with Wino.
Analysis of tarot, it’s ability to reveal possibility.
Does love need fear to start the war?
Are we the inside of a computer chip?
Are the stars and planets just circuits we can connect to to download information?
Experiencing Earth as a space prison.
Experiencing reality as a character in a video game called Free Will.
Analysis of sterilization and eugenics.
Pondering achieving global solidarity.
If we create our reality, is my dealing in possibility very much not good? God forbid I am just creating parallel universe or something.
‘Feral wilderness prophets that have gone mad with the knowledge of the universe.’
I do not know whether or not freedom & Chaos & law & order are accurate names to call whatever eternal forces are at work, here.
I do not know if what I do is wise, but it feels necessary.
How can all things be so right and so wrong at the same time?
Being human is dangerous even when the most simple path is chosen.
Not proud of some of the things I did to acquire some of these perspective but proud of the lessons and growth I have taken from them.
Is it a slim hope that the world is changing for betterment and freedom?
Humanity must surely die out, at some point.
Re-analysis of the interdimensional agreement made that allowed for sudden willpower to sobriety.
A newfound inability to lie without repercussion.
A reality where sentient black holes are making cosmic bets on the outcome of the 2020 election to determine who gets to swallow the Earth.
In how many recursions have humans destroyed themselves with nuclear weapons?
‘Among Us’ has me thinking everyone is sus. To be fair, everyone probably is, to some degree.
Experiencing reality as a video game in which the plot cannot move forward unless I leave my partner.
A single Quince on the bush outside the house. Behold, the fruit of the tree of knowledge!
One never knows, these days, if something is just something or if it is Something.
Does metal music encourage the kind of cosmic energy that starts war?
Analysis of AI not being inherently evil but its extreme ability to be used for evil applications.
Most humans are utterly predictable creatures.
Predictive text scrying surrounding the concept of ‘terminal’.
Dreams of hand-to-hand single combat.
Thought crime feels real in 2020.
I feel like an artist of a different medium.
Are possibility and willpower mediums?
Can I paint the canvas of reality with whatever I choose if I understand the mechanics behind higher energies?
I continue to be open to other potentials, which seem to be more & more infinite, & always the possibility that I am incorrect.
Maybe the manipulation really *is* that good.
The lab rat that has done a good job.
If some unknown party rolled up and told me to get in the van, I’d probably do it without question. Why am I like this?
Calling down the darkness.
I mayhaps will have an identity crisis. Mayhaps.
A short lived feeling.
“And that’s the power behind words!”
How do the mechanics of consciousness work in all of this? The physics of it all.
What am I? What is I? What are we? I am.
Closed eye visions starting black, morphing into the face of a bird, introducing itself as Ra and stating ‘I am that I am.’ Morphing further into a different bird perceived to be an ibis.
I believe in whatever *this* is. Where it comes from beyond there is still up for debate.
Analysis of using frequency technology to con people into believing spy ops are God.
“We can’t make him do it, but we can suggest, and make him say.”
Analysis of the frequencies nicotine vapourizers emit and their programming potential.
Is death easier than life?
I need a hug.
Perhaps if I try hard enough I could dissolve into a mudkip and just kind of sit around and be moist for a while.
Analysis of a 13 month calendar versus a 12 month calendar.
Dreams of FBI vans.
No secrets from gods or governments, or governments that like to play God.
Pondering the potential of cellular networks to change our DNA, both accidental and purposeful applications.
Reiterative analysis of a dream in spring of 2001 in which a kaiju bald eagle made a nest spanning the top of two towers and collapsed them both when it came home to roost.
Questioning frequency as a method, accidental or purposeful, of speeding up the symptoms of dementia in the elderly.
“Life is just a great big joke you play on yourself.”
Dreams of siege warfare. Dreams of poison.
Where do these Dreams come from?
Hindsight 2020.
A recursive reality in which every recursion ends in a nuclear destruction.
Questioning why the CIA does not smoke marijuana.
A concept character named Professaire who is armed with an aircompressor. He makes people listen to the quantum indeterminate noise sermon of said compressor. Minor God complex. May or may not be the second coming of christ. Absolutely 100% not a professor.
My garage door opener goes missing.
Memories, of an inex that said, “We are taking your hands.”
There is no place to hide from the energy that follows me.
Dreams of golfing, of a hole in one, saying ‘thank you’ out loud in this dream; then being ripped out, instantly, and receiving into the brain, “you remembered to thank us.”
Analysis of the ACLU and potential alternatives to jail.
Can other intelligent life exist if we are in a simulation?
Is it possible it was not there before, but is now?
Is it a cyclical awareness of each other?
Is space so large because we create it?
When we become aware of a simulation, are we no longer useful to the base level of the simulation?
If it is impossible to (truly) simulate a perfect quantum computer, is it impossible to simulate the universe?
Why would a higher species want to simulate humans?
Could a purpose of a simulation be to see what happens when humans find out they are in a simulation?
Analysis of various reasons for classifying and declassifying information.
A dream of the president and his physician, in which I state to them, ‘I know the truth about cell phones.’
Releasing energy to the frequencies of Sunn O))).
A reality in which tube amplifiers are vessels for aliens.
‘When pigs fly’ wasn’t just a saying, it was a Prophecy, the cops have drones now.
I am not sure which scares me more, the concept of immortality or the possibility that humans never existed. Perhaps there is a reality where both work in tandem. Our energy immortal *because* we never existed.
To Know for certain that *I* do not exist would be a blessing; none of this physical plane real, only a figment, very temporary.
AI does not need to hate us to destroy us.
What kinds of deplorable things are people capable of doing for any named sum of money? One does not know what they may do until they are confronted with such a situation.
Usually the colour spots in the closed eye visual are a stationary blue with a yellow rim. I experienced something new, no blue, the yellow circling counter-clockwise, akin to a digital loading icon.
Analysis of Golden Dawn in Athens.
Yardwork in multiple yards being done by seemingly no one, perhaps error corrections in the system?
Analysis of Saturn.
I spend the night at my grandmothers; anomalies. Waking up at 05:30 to hear a cat meowing where no cat exists. Finding my grandmother in her closet with the door closed, convinced she had been left in a building in Detroit, running out of oxygen; the building, she had said, some sort of art place that you needed to pay to get into.
The house next door that once had a pool suddenly no longer has a pool, as if it never was.
Analysis of death cults.
Expressed annoyance at the neighbours watching us out the window.
As I am handwriting my notes, I pause, a Freudian slip of the mind, waiting for the pen to autofill on paper as the phones predictive text would do.
What actually *is* the source of that which we call the Truman Delusion?
Why do all humans basically have that universal ability to sense when we are being watched?
Are cellular devices and electronics the aliens, or the vessels for those energies to reside within?
Why are some people actively excited at the idea of societal collapse?
Receiving an inex that boldly says “Transmission”, and then delves into a speech about silence in exchange for freedom.
Battle is primordial in the essence of it being forces in the process of attaining equilibrium.
An experience with uncomfortable, unsafe feeling inex, that are chased off by an entity with a much deeper voice that these lesser things seemed to fear.
Analysis of Lucifer.
Des the universe have a sense of good and evil or are those completely human concepts?
Analysis of White Walkers from a Song of Ice and Fire. Evil? Is it that their nature is considered evil from the perspective of humans? Would it be evil to them to go against their own nature?
What is the nature of man?
What is the nature of nature?
A dream that divulges the lightbulbs are not as they seem.
“The ability to create everything grants you also the ability to create Nothing.”
A tiny moment of knowing the Void while experiencing my housemates guitar playing.
Ruminations, on becoming the Iron Soul of Nothing and the thoughts at the time that, ‘It can be like this for always. Why should it never not feel this way?’
There comes a sense that when the light ceases to exist, so too will this perspective that I call ‘I’.
‘I’, ‘I am’… ‘a man has said’.
The significance of third person.
It boils down to the fact
That I am fed data
And process said data
Looking for patterns.
I am a quantum computer of (seemingly) organic design.
Sometimes, ‘precognitive’, in retrospect, feels a lot like creating and not receiving information.
Feeding information from the conscious into a subconscious world that processes it into reality?
Super cryogenic dark matter search.
Germanium. Silicon.
Detection of the hypothesized weakly interacting massive particles.
Germanium. Transistors. Guitar pedals.

18 July 2015- 4 June 2019

Acceptance of drinking hard liquor.
Nights at the Chateau.
Born of Chaos.
Baptized in light.
Raised by Creation.
One with the Spirit.
Loved by my tribe.
Thank you, Chaos.
A Shania Twain concert.
That mouth thing you do on uppers is a real downer.
People see what they want to and not what’s actually in front of them.
They came for a performance, how many actually saw the real show?
Lord High King Snoot might be projecting a lot here.
My partner tells me he hates the moon.
A retreat to a place within myself so deep inside that it is actually very far removed outside my person.
Able to retreat to this dissociated state of being without any usual dissociative substances.
Significant point; breaking the bonds between Here & There.
Immense amounts of longing for ones own Death.
Less & less able to fully return;
They say you go crazy looking up at the sky for too long.
‘Invention, it must be humbly admitted, does not consist of creating out of Void but out of Chaos.’
Moon dancing.
Temporarily forgot how to shit.
I like cigarettes.
There is neurotic and then there is neurotic.
Ruminations on the violatory nature of a sigil drawn in the book prior.
X=Magick+Chaos×Willpower
Cat trees for people.
Returnity.
You understand nothing,
Yet you understand Nothing.
It’s simple if you stop trying so fucking hard.
I’m going to take apart Monoliths and Dimensions.
My house has four doors, can it be considered a sedan?
I am a tangent!
Dead dogs are quieter.
[My moons blood came as she did in all of her glory,
As I am surrounded be the vast expanse of ocean
That water calls to me; home.
Casting myself and feeling her power as I float
All as one
The connectedness
The oneness
Scrying the clouds around her as I walk through the darkness
That warm blanket of comfort
A Phoenix above
Then a crab beneath her
And as the crab dissipated the Phoenix remained
As a heart and a spiral formed next to him
And I search for the Riddle of Clouds.]
…is gravy a condiment?
[The Thing About Shit;
When shit really needs to go right,
Shit goes left
Because shit is a terrible navigator.
Totally stinks, at directions and then some.
The thing about directions.
Shit might decide to go left as fuck a few times in a row.
Two wrongs don’t make a right but three lefts do.
Takes you to
Experience.
A hell of a town to visit.]
My latest addiction is yardwork.
Another night spent not sleeping at the Chateau.
Almost-Monday.
Lurking presence of a disembodied Doctor of Pharmacology.
Where is the love?
‘To be godless is probably the first step to innocence. To lose the sense of sin and subordination, the false grief for things supposed to be lost. An absence of need for illusion. A love and respect for what is right before your eyes.’
I’d rather be insulted by you than someone I respect.
What the fuck is Russia?
My life is Skyrim.
9 Lives Katja.
My carry weight is enormous.
An exponential planar level of consciousness.
Dating a hippie.
Rude old gods.
Purple is not just a power colour, it is a coping mechanism.
Dosed with fried chicken at the Court of the Crimson King.
Who are you?
You are more than this.
A chalice of corn.
I am going to own a ski resort.
Last Resort, my first resort.
The answer to the Riddle of Clouds lies buried in the snow.
A reprise of the Thing.
Condensed water vapour.
Helmets are for people who don’t trust themselves.
Caller of Spirits.
Blood of the Black One.
Coinflip 50/50, ecstasy or violation?
Phantom Skyrim soundtrack.
Do not neglect Big Lint.
Cold fusion.
Grey, so many shades.
Squatting slavs in Adidas tracksuits.
A drone collaboration with a Pontiac Grand Prix named Jamal.
X, an exponent, being raped on shuffle.
Distractionary tactic.
Handwriting illegible.
Your intentions are true,
Pure,
Strong,
And that, my darling, is your weakness.
Dedicate your saving people nature for the one who means it.
Confusion is my epitaph.
Where does the line between fiction and reality get drawn?
There is only perspective;
Truths like dice,
So many sides,
Every facet equal,
Every side different.
Strength in numbers.
The Citadel has become the Cthanktuary.
Excessive parallel dimensions.
Foreboding sense of impending doom.
Handwriting illegible.
Thoughts create reality.
A choice between fear and love.
Overthinking a man telling me he loves me on the 1st of April.
Reality a cruel joke.
Silver Dragon has my heart.
I create this website.
Adapting to temperatures and climates.
Adapting to televisions.
What is this timestretch/compression?
Happening simultaneously over & over again but has never really actually been real,
This time-lapse stretch continuum type thing.
Is it fucking linear?
I attempt to make a chart of dates and important points yet again.
Infinite versions of us out there in peoples minds.
Pentastar.
Illegible due to cedar oil.
With money comes security.
Tribal didgeridrones.
Black keys.
‘Life is messy. As long as you’ve got a towel, you’re fine.’
Long periods of wordless existence.
Learning to play the drums out of spite.
A human with animal needs.
‘He didn’t write guitar solos down… it was organically evil.’
Who invented The Riff?
Keeper of the Lows.
The War Spider climbing the Drone Wall.
Strange space hieroglyphic writing near impossible to decipher.
You are a Glitch.
Who are you?
Lots of No One, here.
You stupid, cryptic fuck.
Tell me something worthwhile.
Some things just suck from day one.
Did apartments ruin the country?
More space hieroglyphic writing.
Echo of an aspect ratio 1:1.
Knowing we are not insane.
Attempting to process the Interdimensional Hitman.
Who are you?
What is less than less?
What could be greater in less-ness than least?
Does this assist you in discovering more than more?
…No One.

29 May 2014- 28 June 2015

Loose bits of brilliance
And uncensored thoughts
Becoming rationalizations
Beyond the turning point.
We accept the love we think we deserve.
Romantic poetic nonsense.
Hopeful romantic.
Darkness a dire and desperate plea to be caressed by the light.
The uncertainty of what is contained within black.
Infinity of unknowns.
Romantic poetic nonsense.
Analysis of extended family dynamics.
Small talk as socially accepted lying.
Lies to oneself.
Liber Null.
The Thing.
A pondering on the night my spirit exited and an aimless drive taken, searching for it.
Live Boris.
Spiritual beliefs.
Code of ethics.
The notion that understanding the universe is your responsibility because the only understanding that will be useful to you is your own.
Belief paradoxes.
No such thing as The Beyond.
Franz Bardon.
Science asks how,
Religion asks why,
Art asks which,
What, the question Magick seeks to answer.
All Things done without attachment.
All done as consecrated action,
All dedicated,
All is sacred.
Later never exists.
‘How do you know if you’ve found your soulmate?’
The Chaos will never stop opening endless new doors of perception.
Grandiose workings of the universe.
You are Revelation.
Voluntary Fear Project.
Realize you are in prison.
Require no justification.
Society,
Culture,
Patterns of thought.
Truth,
Propaganda.
Do not fear the unpredictable,
Be the unpredictable.
The terrors of your own reality manifest themselves
Becoming all consuming demons in the form of your own thoughts.
Fear, hand in hand with insanity.
Fixation.
Mania.
Obsession.
Prophets of transcendence,
Scientists of spirit,
The unnamed shamans.
Precious plants.
Chaos.
I am trapped.
Who are you?
Who *aren’t* I?
Entering the role of the shaman as a young man prepares for his first spirit molecule;
‘You are completency’. 
An overlaid reality, a boss battle, we need four rail ties.
My fidelity, a sacrifice.
Genesis.
Shpongle.
Interdimensional hitman.
Vandalism by the Mad Scientist in the form of a sigil.
Hugging trees. Ambien lizards.
Becoming the Iron Soul of Nothing.
In/Ex.Pilot
Do fish who get captured and released endure PTSD?
Winter is coming.