13 December- 17 December 2024

“Fear is engagement”, said the Inex this morning,

As I was entering into Oden on my commute. 

And my vehicle responded to this,

The red dot and tire pressure monitor dashboard lights, momentary. 

It is an intimate affair, with the vehicle;

The extreme sensitivity to any minute change in electrical current. 

Making sweet love to the neurons this morning. 

The mind is not where the body is;

& I want to be absolutely blasted by a silent frequency.

Grant unto me the intensity that I crave;

I am trapped between 

Craving sound

And craving silence,

The happy medium for mental creation

The Silent Sound. 

Why do the inspirations have to be visible? 

Some days, it is more than enough

Just To Be. 

There in the mind,

Flying through dimensions

Of neuronal connection. 

Absurd collages of various inputs. 

On my drive, this morning,

The free-form method of mental existence

Took me back

To the spiral staircase

That Sonologysts disembodied quantum extension brought me to. 

Clockwise, counterclockwise.

Spyral Starecase. 

09:14 “The fact that she doesn’t trust anyone is a reflection of her experience.” 

16:55 “How many of you could give up music?”

16:58 “Silencers was a very experimental album that delivered some very surprising results.”

17:01 “Paranoid music for paranoid people.” …But I’m not paranoid, which pisses me off. Because I enjoy being paranoid.

17:02 “You could say, that physics stole my paranoia.” 

~~~~~~~~

The Soul Continues. 

It is a beyond-death fractal, this morning,

Upon the first dialogues from the 

Altered Saurian Theta State. 

It reminds me that I am, or was,

An organ donor. 

Pick a death fractal, 

Any death fractal. 

An operation with a very small success rate,

They do not care,

Try this thing, 

There is finally the organ necessary. 

Someone who received a piece of me

Dreams of my last conscious moments

Before the Crash in Wisconsin. 

Cellular memory. 

The Soul Continues. 

06:28 “Boundary conditions no longer apply once you realize you are dead.”

06:31 “That’s the great lie Katja, that we’re all alive here.”

06:32 “So focused on avoiding hell that they never come to the realization that we are already here.”

06:33 “All you can do is make hell a slice of heaven for yourself.”

06:36 “A complex identity transformation in a mathematical equation.”

10:33 “A loss of free will to the Mathematical Universe.”

11:48 The sink just sent us to a vector in which the PayPal Mafia is a prominent entity. 

15:21 “Anything in double quotation marks is a direct receiving and not conscious thought.”

15:22 “Claude Shannon was born less than a mile from the place I work.” 

~~~~~~~~

Almost wrote 2022. 

Memories swirl, this morning.

‘Time’ has put ‘distance’ 

Between myself & the electrical event

(Electrical Event Horizon?) 

But every so often 

It presents itself in the Processor

And there is… an awareness?

That perhaps I was never meant to be aware of this.

Or perhaps I was always meant to be aware of this.

Both, simultaneously. 

Any entity I have explained this to

Has written it off

Shrugged it to the side

To my mounting frustration. 

I question if that is part of the mathematical universe;

Reality programmed to ignore it. 

And I must force myself, 

To engage with physical reality. 

Never Enough,

Nothing is enough. 

I do not care at all,

Simultaneously care too much. 

Is the opposite of ‘Night of the Hunter’

‘Day of the Gatherer’? 

Instead of ‘Love’ & ‘Hate’ 

Tattooed on the respective hands,

‘Nothing’ & ‘Everything’?

Few fingers short to make that work,

But the symbolism still applies. 

“We are taking your hands”, the Inex had said,

Years back, so many lifetimes ago. 

& it had disturbed me. 

So much so, in fact, that I showed up at my fathers house in the middle of the night, seeking safety.

I know better now. 

I only ever cracked twice, you know.

Nowhere is safe. 

Why would we want it to be?

The only times we feel alive,

Truly alive,

Are at the Horizons of Death. 

…To live.

Why?

What a morose fucking event it all is. 

At this moment in our observations,

I am thinking rather that humanity

(Was there ever humanity?) 

As a whole, enjoys the suffering. 

If you are not one to enjoy the suffering of others,

You enjoy the suffering of your own,

Whether or not you are consciously aware of this. 

…Projecting, so hard. 

09:11 I am visited, now, by a song

From ‘way back’, childhood. 

‘Jig Along Home’, Woody Guthrie. 

Where does it come from,

Where will it go? 

Rabbit holes intersect with mole tunnels

(Quantum mole tunneling!) 

& I am waiting for The Floor

(That ‘It’ has been going all over)

To fall the fuck out. 

10:40 “You cannot create anything that has not already been created.” 

Dialogues on future.

More & more, the universe seems to be a finite experience. 

To call it a place,

In this momenternity, 

Feels to be explicitly wrong. 

Can we look, see, seek,

To the point in the future

Where All Things have been created? 

I think, now, on an example –

I am loathe to use the Harry Potter universe

But feel I must. 

I can juxtapose my running activity

With Harry and his Patronus in the Prisoner of Azkaban. 

The Patronus. 

He knew he had done this thing

In the future-present;

And I, on a run one day,

Found a future ‘point’

In which I had already gone the distance

And was therefore able, with ease,

To make that distance in that present. 

The sudden running habit. 

I was never a runner. 

I cannot help, but designate this

‘The O’Malley Effect’. 

Les Inspirations Visibles. 

I do not give myself enough credit for anything. 

14:08 “She knows that if it was foreign, they would have picked up on it a long time ago.” 

…Program me, senpai. 

~~~~~~~~

Last night, I engaged 

& released the Scorpionic Energy

To the powerful concepts of

The Destruction of Illusion

& Receiving Truth in dreams. 

And then I dreamed of an entity 

Wearing the face of a man,

I dreamt of intimacy, physical

His mouth, on my most intimate parts,

His body, intertwined with mine own,

And it was nice. 

I dreamt of cycling through the light settings on a fish tank, 

And of energies from a satellite. 

I woke at 02:46.

Fucking goated. 

Lost in the sauce,

Or is it found in the sauce? 

Gravy on the mashed potatoes of reality or something. 

In such a realm

Such a state

After such a wildly intimate engagement

I managed to shatter my coffee pot

With a crash reminiscent of the intro 

To DGs ‘You Might Think He Loves You…’ 

…Get so fucking dark in here. 

The dialogues from the tobacco,

Does this man have any idea

His butterfly effect role

In my consciousness escapades,

Sending me into the black hole,

The black blacker than black

Psychic fragmentation 

‘Beyond death in a state of unexpected intensity’, 

Psychification. 

‘The learning… unconventional, engaging, intuition, feeling, fantasy, dreams’. 

‘As the light of nature cannot speak, it buildeth shapes within Sleep.’ 

…And it is now 04:00, 

& I am finding myself to be

Loving this man, after my fashion,

For the hellscape he sent me to.

Which begs the question –

Where would consciousness be,

Had I never experienced USG? 

There is no ‘better’,

There is no ‘worse’,

There is only ‘different’. 

Fucking goated. 

10:59 The Inex brings up a valid point, how we have never dreamed of a man named James. 

11:01 …And the dialogues lead to another valid point. ‘Just some dude who plays drone’… oh, how wrong we were. 

~~~~~~~~

09:09 “Atomic weapons testing is part of the reason that reality has come apart at the selvedge.”

09:10 “The nuclear decay is creating multiple timelines.”

11:05 “The mutation she went through was an evolutionary experience.” Grand Mutation

11:33 The chairlift progression

11:41 ? LCD 

12:54 “Schizophrenia is the brains vectorization of information input in relation to ego.” 

12:56 The Unforgiven 

~19:19 “Microscopic entities have developed a method of communication with humans. That would explain Belülrol Pusztít, and the cat would be Apophenia.” 

“I received, very clearly, “this is a carcinogenic frequency”, after eating a large quantity of Rick Simpson Oil” 

19:23 “There are viruses that can be activated by epigenetic variables.” 

21:06 Processor throws the ‘No Way Out’ from Destination Unknown