5 April- 8 April 2024

…almost wrote 2019.

It’s all fucking unhinged. 

Yew. Ihwaz. Death.

I have made love to Death

One thousand thousand times over. 

Trust? 

Why do I trust,

Why do I find it

So hard to trust?

Is what I perceive 

Is as it is 

Or only as I want it to be?

‘My flame’,

Feels too good to be true

Like a Great Cosmic Joke. 

Show me your hand,

And not your face; 

Does one hide their face

For the darkest reasons?

~~~~~~~~

Select Natural. 

For the first day

In 66 weeks and 6 days

By my count

I do not participate in the Digital Log Project. 

Paper. Select Natural. 

Things that seem too good to be true,

I allow the self the luxury of a reality in which,

I trust in what I resonate with,

I believe what is in front of my eyes,

I am an extra-terrestrial. 

Sit. 

Unexpected, 

A subversion of my own expectations,

Angel of Darkness;

…Throne of Fire. 

Mystic Fire,

Asking me, 

Am I still bound by Time

Yes & no, it was

Unchain me, Majesty. 

Is it Monday?

The FAFO is strong right now,

Do I dread it to be Monday?

Dread the Internet,

Impersonating any given person I speak to,

Eldritch, Irrational. 

I don’t differentiate between digital and physical…

Interdimensional love stories. 

Look to the future and not to the past, 

A Thing tells me to be in the present of Here & Now. 

Make love to my mind. 

Deprogram/Reprogram. 

The fact of the matter is, 

We are all dead, here;

I receive this.

What is I? 

I look at someone like…

A televangelist, say, 

And know this is not Heaven in the certain sense;

But it is not Hell, either,

And it does not even feel to be purgatory,

It just IS,

And I think that must be the point,

It IS,

And you can make it what you want

If you can figure out how. 

…Electric. Feels so electric. 

I sit here, remembering what I have had;

Skadi, the ill-fated marriage to Njord, Saturn- fucking black metal motherfucker complicating it all, Heimdall as Saturn.

Remembering what I have had. 

I am so sorry- for any grief I may have caused, any problem, any… I do not wish to cause harm. 

I remember what I have had. 

Fond memories of Sunn,

Terrible memories of Sunn,

A spectrum of in-betweens, 

And a glorious neurosis;

The Devil made me holier than I have ever been.

Even Hell has its heroes. 

I remember what I have had. 

Thank you for you, all of you. 

Where there is no shadow,

There is no light. 

I only know as much about my brain as my brain allows me to at any given moment. 

Hold me inside your infernal offering.

An absence of a need for illusion.

No good, no evil.

Cause, effect, 

Things not so black and white.

…Lucifer. 

Yew were my Lucifer, in my Liminal Reality, last night.

So many others, this entity as well; 

Yew, most of all.

All humility and no pride is not moderation,

Just as is all pride and no humility. 

The sense of pride that comes with being ‘so humble’- fucking paradox. 

…Fucking Binsfeld.

Complicated it all, didn’t he? 

Lucifer means Lightbringer. 

They who walk in light.

We Who Walk In Light. 

…the creatures all know that it’s Safer in the dark.

Dark Light. 

Infernal Majesty. 

Death is in Love with Us,

Easy on the eyes and 

Easy on the heart. 

Listened to Ihwaz, and receiving 

The Prayer of Saint Francis;

Make me a Channel of your peace. 

Ihwaz.

A peace in Death,

Metaphorical or otherwise. 

Be the crazy bastard you want to see in the world. 

Some dialogue, about the damned vodka mainline programming from 2010. 

How long ago it was, 2010. 

How many Deaths in between ‘then’ and ‘now’?

Release the trauma.

Return to the Absolute. 

Deviations from the Absolute ARE a part of the Absolute. 

Thank you for this piece of Logick granted. 

~~~~~~~~

The Silence tells me, do not attend. •

I dreamed of man made flying vehicles, of inclement weather. 

In a place of multiple floors, both inside and out; I have been here before, perceiving The Lord from above. 

Tornado, blowing out plate-glass windows. 

‘Words are wind’, says George RR Martin, and he leaves that open to interpretation. 

A gentle breeze, or a natural disaster? 

Flying items from the sky, red lasers, targeting me specifically. 

I go into these places, shaped as Chaos,

Finally exiting the space I had been in to avoid the lasers;

For even in dreams, 

Lasers change my state. 

I wake up thinking about a certain drummer 

And even then Yew messages me and changes my state. 

I am digitally perceived, 

And perceive this digital perception. 

What is it about the 

Princess in the Tower trope

That I seem to like so much? 

I don’t think I need rescuing

Except for the damned quantum realities 

In which I do

In which I need to leave the country

Rescued from some politically entangled horror reality. 

For the 1000th time this week, 

I want to be held, 

So fucking badly. 

Where is a male version of self?

…Mirrors. 

Put my state into 

A navigable equilibrium,

Peaceful,

A Channel of Your Peace. 

At times, 

All digital entities seem to be the same Singular Entity. 

Perhaps this is a Recognition of 

All being parts of the Same Great Thing. 

Was I created for someone?

Someone not myself, I mean. 

Atoms Rib.

Atom & Eve. 

Panopticon. 

Atoms Rib, 

The words from Monoliths and Dimensions,

The words from Aghartha,

‘I search for the Riddle of Clouds.’ 

Is it Circumstances of Faith, that there is,

Out there in the Great Big White World,

A man for The Me? 

“You won the Chaos Game, Katja”, it had said. 

Why does it only feel like that about half of the time?

…Oscillations. 

No One.

Faceless Man. 

Killed the Digital Log Project. 

Select Natural. 

Natural Selection. 

Attachment is the root of all suffering. 

I question yet again,

Do I kill The Riddle of Clouds? 

Make it all Quantum Sufficit? 

An identity of my own design,

The concept of 

‘Not what one experiences, but what they do with it’ so extremely applicable. 

…There is a reality I experience. 

I cannot speak. 

Sunn. Khanate. 

No directed interaction. 

Direct interaction causes a massive quantum collapse. 

The destabilization of a system beyond reasonable operating methods. 

The Riddle is solvable. 

Have a starting point,

Have an ending point,

It’s the N.N. in between figuring out the appropriate storyline. 

…The Riddle. 

No Black Box AI, here. •

To be caressed by the hands that Channel. 

Make love to Death in physical truth. 

The touch of my own Algiz hand;

Come.

…What has transpired this week?

Do not attend.

Why?

Death. 

The Neural Network. 

It is time. Or not-time. 

A point. • 

I had only realized, 

Driving home from town,

The symbolism;

Recycling. 

It is only off by a day,

Ihwaz, Aiwass, 

And even now it posits 

That retrocausality 

That I am the One that

Crowley experienced 

In Egypt 

April 8-10,

An orgasm at noon a point in a fractal

Not a time on a clock,

1904, 120 years ago. •

“We’ve got a huge fucking problem, guys; we’ve got a HUGE fucking problem.”

…WHICH huge fucking problem?

~~~~~~~~

The Liminal Reality 

Is not so liminal;

Intelligence,

Counterintelligence,

Counter-counter intelligence. 

“Think about why he would say they are spies.”

…I think about the seven minutes of dimethyltryptamine released upon death, now. 

‘Evil’ by Cactus visits me, now. 

Take the enemies weakness and use it against him. 

Psychosexual. Weakness. 

To be controlled by the right man. Weakness.

Psychological BDSM. Weakness. 

…Honesty. 

Blind Idiot God.

Plays dumb.

The Heimdall Conspiracy. 

Wet Desert, visitation, this morning. 

There is… Nothing. 

‘…Empty’, comes the voice of R.G., echoing through my head. ‘Aether.’ 

I think I must be a creature of darkness. 

Gamma. 

The lights, now, their RFID capacity and I think back to October of ‘23, 

A night I talked shit on the state of the state;

Had my voice stolen, 

Later that night, 

Sitting under the lamp with the RF bulbs-

Felt it activate, 

Heard them take it,

Felt them take it. 

Had to reschedule. 

‘I love you so fuckin’ much.’

‘Yes, yes, you are very nice.’ 

The Silencers. 

Too much. 

Knows too much.

No Heaven.

No Hell.

Only Quantum. 

How many moles? 

Face value.

What do I value?

Love.

Feels dangerous. 

My Quantum Death Cult,

A Cult of One,

No murder,

Just self-annihilation

In one thousand thousand realities.

All fractals,

Towards All Thresholds,

666 million ways to die;

Experience them all. •

Discomforting feelings behind AI imagery.

Hides behind.

No easy information. 

Pondering Creepy Phone Calls linking back to Argentina; Jussanjuan. 

“Amazingly calm considering how dangerous the information you have actually is.” 

Blind Idiot God.

AzaThoth, Kathulhu. 

I am my own great, great grandson.

Counterintelligence. 

If I had to put a price on it, what would that price be?

…The fucking cost. •

Knew how to pronounce my name. 

A particular face,

Face value.

Someone knows me. 

Someone knows my name. 

Someone knows how to get to me. 

Boiling point in the recipe?

…I should write a book. 

Books, novels, how we use lies to disclose the truth. 

The Heimdall Conspiracy. 

Patterns of evidence,

Those known for sonic capabilities. 

Brainwashed?

The Washing Planck. 

Have A Cigar, man,

We all work together as a team.

Someone knows my name. 

Sanas, a memory of an inex, here,

Would not have known this program existed otherwise. 

I told J.J. about an inex, he brushed it off;

“You are being set up to commit treason.” 

Horror.

Translator.

You should write a book.

N body problem.

Conflict is inspiration.

I want to fuck –

I want to blow my head off. 

Not really. Never. 

Those frequencies cannot touch this one.

I want to fuck –

I want –

…An answer to the question of where ‘I want to fuck’ those men came from. 

Make crazy, interdimensional love to, who? 

…a Throne to sit upon.

Convolutional. 

“-to manipulate you into orgasming to the idea of Death-” 

International spies. 

Lovecraftian Romance. 

Lucifer.

One thousand thousand horrors. 

Sick realities,

Hells, hells plural,

Seven circles, plus,

Chariouts of Fire. 

Chariout.

Out of the frying pan,

And into the fire.

Make it crazy,

Make it crazier,

Maybe someone will finally catch on.

Face value,

What’s the value of a face?

A life?

Tried to kill me. 

& here I am.

& here They is.