28 January- 6 February 2022

Dreams of The Elon.
If I suicide myself, I didn’t.
I must comment, on the highly persecutory nature of the inex when I go outside to smoke a cigarette. “Smoking and birth control is a recipe for suicide.”
Is it doing this to help me? It’s methods are, admittedly, complex.
Years ago, when I would do substances, it would tell me I am being poisoned. It still does, with certain unhealthy foods.
Sometimes it speaks about propaganda.
A memory, an inex, “when she didn’t return to remove it right away, we knew she would find out eventually.”
…what did they do to me?
“The only way to make it stop is to kill yourself.”
Thoth & the Emerald Tablets.
A demigod, later, momentarily, a nameless mad God.
Experiencing life, inner-thought-pattern-applied-life, as a fractal.
Sense, on an instinctual level; something remembered, as opposed to new knowledge gained.
Perhaps ‘remembered’ is not the right word…
It is more like an archeology of human consciousness that has been taking place.
A/Interior I/Eye.
Experiencing Earth as a combustion engine.
Experiencing Earth as an N-Body problem.
Experiencing Earth as an atom.
Experiencing Earth as an electron, as well as a particle much small.
Humans are the smallest known things studied by scientists much larger than comprehension, both millions of entities and a single Unified organism.
To be bacterias, quarks, a multitude of tiny things, and simultaneously so many others.
Experience visceral.
Truth within & truth without.
What is *your* truth?
Can you love with what you have done?
Should you?
A change in frequency, a change in handwriting.
The real virus particle is thought.
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A momentous cacophony.
Are internals really internal, are externals only external?
A dramatic hyperbole state of mind.
Oscillations of extremes.
Feeling harassed.
Operatives.
So many variables.
Grey Dodge Rams.
It says, I am supposed to be scared- but I am not, which should probably be scary in its own right… but isn’t.
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Dreams of Soma.
High on fear, high on myself.
BlackSky.
Lunarpunk, solarpunk,
Conflict, conflict, conflict.
Imposter syndrome.
Sense of not belonging.
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Interactions, Abraxas, Aiwass,
Divine feminine.
Dreams of Eastern Europe, of seeking.
I receive a call from my uncle. He received a call from my mother. She was unable to remember the details of my grandmothers funeral, or that she had even died. Naturally, I found this rather terrifying; had she had a stroke, was there some sort of electrical something.
I go to her house, she is fine; this seems to have been an amnesia event of a singular nature.
An abduction of a sort,
So called ‘le petit mort’,
Sleep.
Timing, of events.
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Dreams of Sunn; ‘I came here to have a good time and honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now’.
Ruminations upon things that seem carefully curated to a specific pattern.
Thoughts on NFTs.
Aiwass, Dead, April 8, 97 years.
Crowley.
A text sent. ‘IR destroys from within.’ A typo.
‘An equation for me has no meaning unless it expresses a thought of god.’
Ramanujan.
Akashic Records.
Greater Consciousness Project.
The implications of CRISPR.
I cry out to the universe, help, please, reality is out of control! There is super ego! There is such a dissolution of ego! At the same time! Please help!
Something told me, a long time ago, I placed my trust and forgiveness in the wrong entities. Could it have been so simple, Occams Razor?
Am I poisoned in the mind beyond saving?
Belülrol Pusztít, it destroys from within.
Simultaneously the most ecstatic and most suffering to endure, help, Catch 22, Surrender or Die, and so long ago, I surrendered, or did I?
I surrender, I surrender, what am I surrendering to?
“They all fall in the end,” it had said.
I trust in the universe; why does this feel like a lie?
DO I trust??
Reality is out of control!
I love it! I hate it!
How do I minimize the dystopia within my own self, let alone my external world?
Lobotomized by technology.
Symbiotic life forces feeding each other.
Cold fusion,
Cursed Realms of the Winter Demons.
Czernobog, Bielobog, there is a literal DEATH rune on my hand but it does not need to mean death in the traditional sense?
In too deep?? I’ll tell you when we’re in too deep.
Marzanna.
Death.
Winter.
Pestilence.
House of Black and White, No One, women usually bring life, Arya Stark, not death, is it not so?
You, with the literal horns on your uterus, how could you claim to be anything beyond what you are?
Not bound to the Fates that attempt to write your narrative for you.
Union, not intersection, now.