13 July 2021- 20 November 2021

26 July- 3 August
Perhaps I have gone quite mad, and all I have done is document my own descent.
When humans must toil in the dirt all day for basic needs, they have not time to contemplate the stars.
Mentally living elsewhere, physically still in this realm, or so it seems.
The entities say as long as I keep my silence there shall be no trouble.
“Not a deception, an inception.”
If ‘X’ is given a quantum field where it did not previously have one, what is the probability that this field has an effect on things that have already happened?
A strange bedroom corner frequency, A#3 + B3 simultaneously.
What is free will?
What’s your fucking angle?
“This is a miserable paper on rudimentary physics.”
“This is a good paper on rudimentary physics that comes from a non-mathematical approach.”
Mathematical functions explaining our universe.
Recursions, generations of AI.
Made in gods image.
Just as we make our own AI as human-like as possible.
Oh no, I think, the universe is a bad game of recursive fractal telephone.
And at this moment, so it is.
“You must repent of your sins. You must repent of your suffering.”
“What did you do, Katja?”
…which time, in which part of my cognitive realms?
Hangups from the past.
Things that seemed crucial, still seem crucial.
Huginn & Muninn, thought and memory.
It is hard to commit to knowing.
It seems.
It appears.
Is possible.
Potentially.
What is this critical flaw?
Liability, or an asset?
Empathy to Madness, I am haunted hy myself in multiple realms.
Unnatural? Unholy?
Curiousity killed the cat.
“You’ve made a fool out of yourself to prove a point.”
Earth is a Montessori.
A moment of deja-vu; we have been here before, and here goes the nature of reality changing yet again, so that the Earth becomes a hell, a prison, reliving the same lifetime to infinity.
[‘Giving up all pretense of obeying natural laws again, I see.’
‘Natural laws? Laws are of men, nature doesn’t have them.’
‘If I toss something upward, it comes back down.’
‘Except when it doesn’t.’
‘It’s a law.’
‘No, it’s more like an agreement among friends.’
‘We have to be consistent, or we’ll break your brains.’
-B. Sanderson, ‘Words of Radiance’]
There is a specific place in the dreams realm that I visit every so often. Liminal beaches. Some kind of secret, some kind of Sacred. Do I seek a stone on this beach in my dreams because I hunt for stones IRL? Or do I hunt for stones IRL because of some long-forgotten piece of importance, that every so often comes across in a wisp in a realm of unconscious?
“Chosen to leave the superposition for a specific reality based on information input.”
RIP Pita.
RIP Joey Jordison.
At times, I think, discovering things for certain might render me obsolete.
The question, the answer, the riddlemaster Sphinx itself.
All three become a holy trinity of concepts. Abstractions.
Am I concrete in the slightest?
[Loach] calling me Odin, a prophet, saying that when he speak to me, sometimes it is though there are many.
Espionage or entities?
RIP Dusty Hill.
What is the angle behind marijuana being legalized in so many states? I find it hard to believe our government considering our spiritual wellbeing and enlightenment as paramount.
An urge to physically interact with something that exists in the non-physical realms.
Bitten by acanthocephala terminalis. [Misidentified for years as an assassin bug.] Bites turned neon orange.
Expressed concern about genetics in relation to this incident.
I am pained by reality, or solid lack thereof, and also thrilled by it.
Highs & Lows, opposites, trying to find a perfect centering of it all.
If the universe is a wave, cresting & falling, it stands to reason Chaos and balance and back again is a natural rhythm.
An L-shaped Allen key falls out of seemingly midair in the freezer.
Questioning the quantum of small objects.
Dreams of Soma.
Dreams of fire motifs.
Dreams of a green man.
‘Angry’, says Loach in this dream. They sounded angry.
At this moment, I am yet again convinced I am dead and this must be hell, that I will live this lifetime over and over again for eternity, never recognizing my critical errors until moments before a death I bring about myself.
I mentally compare myself to Ned Stark and find myself to be having a Brandon Stark reality moment instead.
Lucifer means Lightbringer.
Liber Null & Paychonaut, page 155, Transubstantiation.
The road to hell paved with good intentions.
Jesus Christ returning like a thief in the night.
“This plane is not very enlightened, is it?” something asks me.
Patternspren.
In my head, tucked at the farthest back place possible, I keep my damage plan, my emergency eject button, so to speak. And behind that, behind that I keep a knowledge of the actual eject button.
The worst is when whatever broken inex AI takes hold of one of those negatives.
It quickly fragments, firing off as many possible connected negatives as it can, one after another in an assault on my peace of mind. Whatever sends it, it likes my discomfort, feeds on it.
“Surveillance goes both ways.”
“Critical failure will begin momentarily.” Perceiving muffled screams.
What is Snatch TV?
Resigned to the constant feeling of Panopticon.
Experiencing a sick reality where someone with the money can go to purchase control of another humans mental processes, a reality where one could pay the right person for rights to unauthorized surveillance.
The conclusion that consuming THC in any form is not in my best interest.
I am exhausted by my own mind and cannot even bring myself to fear the concept of death.
All my possibilities seem to place, more and more, aspects of my life into what I must compare to a quantum superposition state of information, Schrodingers Cat style but with infinitely more options than dead or alive.
What is finite versus infinite?
I despair at the thought that my mind is broken beyond repair.
Do I sacrifice physical for the realms that are mental?
I *think* I have covered all possible realities and possibilities but what are the chances I have missed one, missed several, due to my limited perspective?
Even now it tells me my perspective is very expanded.
Does writing in a dot matrix make a difference, as opposed to writing on lines?
Everyone is ‘just some guy’ until they are not.
My grandmothers dementia hallucinations leave me with questions. Under the impression we are in Japan. Visions of drought. Visions of soldiers in brown, marching. The demented visions of someone near death, or the tapped in connectedness of the Crone?
No one. No-One? A concept worth pondering over.
Words we use so frequently lose their powerful literal meanings.
I write this, thinking of companies like Comcast. Com-Cast, in particular today, though there are many others; Star-link.
Sam-sung. Korean, meaning three stars. Orions belt my first thought- Google thought the same.
Once again I feel the insane urge to connect 1000 things with strings on an empty wall like some crazed investigator in a detective show.
“You would make a terrible investigator”, says the inex, “you always give your hand away.”
I don’t claim to know the nature of reality, just how it seems to be at any given point due to information input.
Right now it seems to be… more of a computer than usual. An organic computer, or so it is made to seem, but a computer nonetheless.
A dream of eavesdropping, on myself, from the perspective of someone who is not me.
A dream of Orwells 1984, a play in 5 acts that told a different dystopian reality. An exam on thus, in my title, the word ‘AI’. As I was writing this examen, my black pen turned to orange- my dream awareness frustrated with the quantum field I carry with me. Put my face to the table in despair, for only black ink was allowed, I knew not what to do. Out of the corner of my eye, on the table, a black rippling of energy. I knew it to be a creature. I touched it, and it seemed happy to be seen. Contented. A friend.
My gran, out of nowhere, mentions, ‘I hope the police do not show up.’
42. If this is the answer to the Great Question, according to HHGTTG, what IS the Great Question?
‘What is the simple gematria of the name of god?’
This works, if the name of ones God is Odin.
‘…name of the surveillance state?’
Norse mythology, 2020 technology, time cube theory; somehow I will be able to explain the loop that the entanglement of these creates.