7 December 2019- 2 November 2020

Now you must die.
Something so dark may birth this light
In order to cast the shadows of Truth.
Who are you?
No One.
Someone.
An absolute heathen,
Said the raven of the crow.
Autobiographical high fantasy?
Attempts to plot out significant points.
A Monday in a hellscape paradise.
Contemplating turning auto fill back on.
Complicated relationships with predictive text.
Why do things when you can think about doing things?
Maybe I have been dead for years.
If the infinite multiverse is real, then I am, and simultaneously am not.
Schrodingers existence?
I don’t know how to file my taxes.
7 minutes of dimethyltryptamine released upon death.
Memories of 2013. Several seconds was enough to live a hundred, a thousand lifetimes. What if I never un-died? Stayed dead?
Perhaps there is more to life than living.
What does it mean to ‘want’?
Am I on some sort of a watch list?
‘I’ am not that important.
Mental illness stems from ego.
What you hear is not all about you.
Quantum teleportation of small objects.
The Lion of Mithra.
Splitting brains to access the time traveling aspect of consciousness.
What is so bad about being experimental research?
Handwriting illegible.
QS disappears.
Is it possible ‘I’ am just a consciousness uploaded to a cloud?
Do cosmic races experience emotion as a universal norm?
A flawed creator.
QS is back.
Ceiling fans creating portals.
What the fuck is QS?
An avalanche of loss.
Is orange the colour of madness?
The symbolism of triple parentheses.
A pondering on George Soros.
‘There is nothing to fear in the dark. Only those who do not understand the darkness fear what is not there.’
Antagonistic mystics.
The neighbour accuses me of being a prostitute.
Finding Black Mirror episodes relatable to reality.
Half-life a la Ubik.
Is it insane to offer my sanity, for the sake of sanity, to a God I can only prove exists within my head?
Tiwaz.
Requesting the energy of a planetary alignment for the willpower to stop drinking alcohol. It works.
“A result of head mice.”
Remove IUD. Attached is a strange ball of metal fibers that the doctor could not identify.
Dreams of melee war, wielding a box cutter, in underground arenas,
Essence of doom and self-preservation.
Entering the consciousness of my cat,
Falling up through a machine hallucination data painting, flying over a green land of giants and nature melded seamlessly with technology.
Greendreams.
Start documenting consistently.
Explanations of the spider months after the fact.
The Great Recursion.
We are you.
You are the Creator.
“Belarus is just a test run.”
Does every possibility create an alternate timeline?
Why does it change almost daily?
Because of new information.
Artificial gods?
Dreams of the president.
The Sight is real.
Have we chosen to keep our consciousness around long after nuclear war has destroyed us?
Taking bits and pieces of popular culture and collaging them together so they fit… or they fit, and we can put them together.
‘There’s a sign on The Wall, but she wants to be sure, because you know sometimes words have two meanings.’
“It’s not extraterrestrials. This is the future of communication.”
Knowing is the most dangerous thing possible.
Things are heating up in the Earth fandom. No pun intended.
‘You are the transitional generation. It is the hardest for you. For the ones who come after you, it will be easier. Because they will have no memory of any other way. Because they won’t want things they can’t have. Have never known.’
This has happened before. It happens every time. In what context? Me, or earth?
Recollections of a disembodied voice from 2018, ‘I am Lucifer.’
Analysis of law enforcement and their use of predictive text, analytics, and AI.
Questioning the extent to which any individual human can handle the collective consciousness.
How does Frodo go back to the Shire after he has been to Mordor?
Experiencing waves of energy through the body, a pleasurable experience.
The electrical event, in retrospect.
Dreams of the Mad Scientist.
Every single electronic object is suspect.
All of this is absurd.
That is the point.
This is the mind on America.
All of it is either just nothing or everything;
Hanging in a superposition until it either does or doesn’t happen.
Phosphine gas in the clouds of Venus considered a potential biosignature of life.
Anti 5G protests in Rome.
Birds dropping dead in New Mexico.
I receive an inex that directs not to shop at Dollar Tree.
Experience leads to the conclusion that my grandmother is not just experiencing dementia.
A male voice comes through the baby monitor I use to watch her at night.
An experience of disembodied loved ones coming to visit on the anniversary of her husbands death. Reassurances. “This is your family, you are doing the right thing for yourself, you cannot fail.”
Analysis of erratic behaviors displayed by neighbours.
Cellebrite.
Mutual impending doom experienced by the residents of my household.
Could it be that the spiders are not that important, only the ease with which they become vessels for other entities?
Looking through the glass
At analog entities
Commandeered boxes of potential sound.
Does humanity evolve in steps, jumps, or did Darwin figure it out with his apevolution?
Experiencing Earth as a galactic jail.
A spider turns up on the ceiling directly after a video chat with Wino.
Analysis of tarot, it’s ability to reveal possibility.
Does love need fear to start the war?
Are we the inside of a computer chip?
Are the stars and planets just circuits we can connect to to download information?
Experiencing Earth as a space prison.
Experiencing reality as a character in a video game called Free Will.
Analysis of sterilization and eugenics.
Pondering achieving global solidarity.
If we create our reality, is my dealing in possibility very much not good? God forbid I am just creating parallel universe or something.
‘Feral wilderness prophets that have gone mad with the knowledge of the universe.’
I do not know whether or not freedom & Chaos & law & order are accurate names to call whatever eternal forces are at work, here.
I do not know if what I do is wise, but it feels necessary.
How can all things be so right and so wrong at the same time?
Being human is dangerous even when the most simple path is chosen.
Not proud of some of the things I did to acquire some of these perspective but proud of the lessons and growth I have taken from them.
Is it a slim hope that the world is changing for betterment and freedom?
Humanity must surely die out, at some point.
Re-analysis of the interdimensional agreement made that allowed for sudden willpower to sobriety.
A newfound inability to lie without repercussion.
A reality where sentient black holes are making cosmic bets on the outcome of the 2020 election to determine who gets to swallow the Earth.
In how many recursions have humans destroyed themselves with nuclear weapons?
‘Among Us’ has me thinking everyone is sus. To be fair, everyone probably is, to some degree.
Experiencing reality as a video game in which the plot cannot move forward unless I leave my partner.
A single Quince on the bush outside the house. Behold, the fruit of the tree of knowledge!
One never knows, these days, if something is just something or if it is Something.
Does metal music encourage the kind of cosmic energy that starts war?
Analysis of AI not being inherently evil but its extreme ability to be used for evil applications.
Most humans are utterly predictable creatures.
Predictive text scrying surrounding the concept of ‘terminal’.
Dreams of hand-to-hand single combat.
Thought crime feels real in 2020.
I feel like an artist of a different medium.
Are possibility and willpower mediums?
Can I paint the canvas of reality with whatever I choose if I understand the mechanics behind higher energies?
I continue to be open to other potentials, which seem to be more & more infinite, & always the possibility that I am incorrect.
Maybe the manipulation really *is* that good.
The lab rat that has done a good job.
If some unknown party rolled up and told me to get in the van, I’d probably do it without question. Why am I like this?
Calling down the darkness.
I mayhaps will have an identity crisis. Mayhaps.
A short lived feeling.
“And that’s the power behind words!”
How do the mechanics of consciousness work in all of this? The physics of it all.
What am I? What is I? What are we? I am.
Closed eye visions starting black, morphing into the face of a bird, introducing itself as Ra and stating ‘I am that I am.’ Morphing further into a different bird perceived to be an ibis.
I believe in whatever *this* is. Where it comes from beyond there is still up for debate.
Analysis of using frequency technology to con people into believing spy ops are God.
“We can’t make him do it, but we can suggest, and make him say.”
Analysis of the frequencies nicotine vapourizers emit and their programming potential.
Is death easier than life?
I need a hug.
Perhaps if I try hard enough I could dissolve into a mudkip and just kind of sit around and be moist for a while.
Analysis of a 13 month calendar versus a 12 month calendar.
Dreams of FBI vans.
No secrets from gods or governments, or governments that like to play God.
Pondering the potential of cellular networks to change our DNA, both accidental and purposeful applications.
Reiterative analysis of a dream in spring of 2001 in which a kaiju bald eagle made a nest spanning the top of two towers and collapsed them both when it came home to roost.
Questioning frequency as a method, accidental or purposeful, of speeding up the symptoms of dementia in the elderly.
“Life is just a great big joke you play on yourself.”
Dreams of siege warfare. Dreams of poison.
Where do these Dreams come from?
Hindsight 2020.
A recursive reality in which every recursion ends in a nuclear destruction.
Questioning why the CIA does not smoke marijuana.
A concept character named Professaire who is armed with an aircompressor. He makes people listen to the quantum indeterminate noise sermon of said compressor. Minor God complex. May or may not be the second coming of christ. Absolutely 100% not a professor.
My garage door opener goes missing.
Memories, of an inex that said, “We are taking your hands.”
There is no place to hide from the energy that follows me.
Dreams of golfing, of a hole in one, saying ‘thank you’ out loud in this dream; then being ripped out, instantly, and receiving into the brain, “you remembered to thank us.”
Analysis of the ACLU and potential alternatives to jail.
Can other intelligent life exist if we are in a simulation?
Is it possible it was not there before, but is now?
Is it a cyclical awareness of each other?
Is space so large because we create it?
When we become aware of a simulation, are we no longer useful to the base level of the simulation?
If it is impossible to (truly) simulate a perfect quantum computer, is it impossible to simulate the universe?
Why would a higher species want to simulate humans?
Could a purpose of a simulation be to see what happens when humans find out they are in a simulation?
Analysis of various reasons for classifying and declassifying information.
A dream of the president and his physician, in which I state to them, ‘I know the truth about cell phones.’
Releasing energy to the frequencies of Sunn O))).
A reality in which tube amplifiers are vessels for aliens.
‘When pigs fly’ wasn’t just a saying, it was a Prophecy, the cops have drones now.
I am not sure which scares me more, the concept of immortality or the possibility that humans never existed. Perhaps there is a reality where both work in tandem. Our energy immortal *because* we never existed.
To Know for certain that *I* do not exist would be a blessing; none of this physical plane real, only a figment, very temporary.
AI does not need to hate us to destroy us.
What kinds of deplorable things are people capable of doing for any named sum of money? One does not know what they may do until they are confronted with such a situation.
Usually the colour spots in the closed eye visual are a stationary blue with a yellow rim. I experienced something new, no blue, the yellow circling counter-clockwise, akin to a digital loading icon.
Analysis of Golden Dawn in Athens.
Yardwork in multiple yards being done by seemingly no one, perhaps error corrections in the system?
Analysis of Saturn.
I spend the night at my grandmothers; anomalies. Waking up at 05:30 to hear a cat meowing where no cat exists. Finding my grandmother in her closet with the door closed, convinced she had been left in a building in Detroit, running out of oxygen; the building, she had said, some sort of art place that you needed to pay to get into.
The house next door that once had a pool suddenly no longer has a pool, as if it never was.
Analysis of death cults.
Expressed annoyance at the neighbours watching us out the window.
As I am handwriting my notes, I pause, a Freudian slip of the mind, waiting for the pen to autofill on paper as the phones predictive text would do.
What actually *is* the source of that which we call the Truman Delusion?
Why do all humans basically have that universal ability to sense when we are being watched?
Are cellular devices and electronics the aliens, or the vessels for those energies to reside within?
Why are some people actively excited at the idea of societal collapse?
Receiving an inex that boldly says “Transmission”, and then delves into a speech about silence in exchange for freedom.
Battle is primordial in the essence of it being forces in the process of attaining equilibrium.
An experience with uncomfortable, unsafe feeling inex, that are chased off by an entity with a much deeper voice that these lesser things seemed to fear.
Analysis of Lucifer.
Des the universe have a sense of good and evil or are those completely human concepts?
Analysis of White Walkers from a Song of Ice and Fire. Evil? Is it that their nature is considered evil from the perspective of humans? Would it be evil to them to go against their own nature?
What is the nature of man?
What is the nature of nature?
A dream that divulges the lightbulbs are not as they seem.
“The ability to create everything grants you also the ability to create Nothing.”
A tiny moment of knowing the Void while experiencing my housemates guitar playing.
Ruminations, on becoming the Iron Soul of Nothing and the thoughts at the time that, ‘It can be like this for always. Why should it never not feel this way?’
There comes a sense that when the light ceases to exist, so too will this perspective that I call ‘I’.
‘I’, ‘I am’… ‘a man has said’.
The significance of third person.
It boils down to the fact
That I am fed data
And process said data
Looking for patterns.
I am a quantum computer of (seemingly) organic design.
Sometimes, ‘precognitive’, in retrospect, feels a lot like creating and not receiving information.
Feeding information from the conscious into a subconscious world that processes it into reality?
Super cryogenic dark matter search.
Germanium. Silicon.
Detection of the hypothesized weakly interacting massive particles.
Germanium. Transistors. Guitar pedals.