I’ve been a Schrodingers Kat since the day I was born. I am adopted, you see, a rare European import brought into the States. The man who raised me told me a story, once. I was a Valentines Day conception, a product of passion multiplied by questionable decision making in Warsaw, 1993.  Dorota and Mariusz, or Dariusz. Those are the names I have. Kaminska, was her last name, until it wasn’t; an error corrections, perhaps? Kaminska until, speaking with the man who raised me, says, no, it was Gdula, always Gdula. A name was a name until it wasn’t.
The alleged story goes, my biological father had a habit of getting… intoxicated. Got into a violent encounter and was incarcerated at the time I was born. She told him I died during the birthing process. Really, I am both dead and alive, depending on who you ask, who is perceiving my physical formatting, the concept that is the Me. That’s the part that fucks me up, yknow?  Allegedly, 50% of my genetic code is under the impression I am dead, right? That’s enough to mess with a persons head, and then some. According to the story, Dorota went on to marry someone who doesn’t know I exist, because she never bothered to tell him. Really honest, that there. Lies, says predictive text. Maybe? These Questions. Why she didn’t want to be photographed in any capacity?
I was given a DNA test for Christmas in 2023, and it has been sitting on a bookshelf in my lair ever since. An unknown I could change with nothing but a saliva sample, why do I hesitate?

It hit the ultimate death fractal, some half hour from the time of the original drafting of this anecdote, give or take; with the viewing of someones Facebook story, the track, Stillborn by Burning Witch. Extremely affected by waveforms, you know. Talk about fucking timing. An uncontrollable internal dialogue, no, I hadn’t considered my entire life has been the afterlife. Like, actually dead since birth. What is surprising, here, is a relief, a peace that comes with this. The universe experiencing itself, an afterlife of afterlifes, a multiplicity of death fractals; 666 million ways to die. Experience them all!